Daddy's Home!

On Thursday night, Daddy busted out of the hospital. Well, the nurses let him out. No busting involved. He stayed the night at Grandma and Grandpas because of the rain. Then, yesterday morning, Gracie and Lukie got to see their Daddy! They ran to him and hugged him. They were so excited!

He is very impressed with all of their new words and their hugs.

He came home with us to our apartment last night and we celebrated by running around in circles and showing him everything we thought was new to him. He is a little slow because of lying down for so long, but he can get around our apartment with his crutches. He is feeling a lot better!

Yay for Daddy at home!

Baby Jail

Once, when I was babysitting Hailey, Bianca, and Brandon for Aunt Becca when she was sick, I was trying to make them lunch and Brandon was toddling around getting underfoot. To keep him safe (he was very little), I put him in the Pack N Play that Aunt Becca kept in the kitchen by the sliding glass door. I figured he'd be safe and I could get lunch ready.

Instead, screaming, the likes of which I had never heard, began to come from his mouth. It was so bad that poor Aunt Becca dragged herself out of bed to see if I was doing something awful (like hang him by his toes from the ceiling). The first words out of her mouth were, "Oh, Brandon! What did you do to be put in baby jail?"

I was so embarrassed! Here I thought I was using the Pack N Play to be helpful and instead I had put Brandon in baby jail! I felt awful and from that day, I vowed never to use the Pack N Play as a device for storing/caging/containing or otherwise holding any child ever.

The problem is that when you have twins, cribs are horribly expensive. Daddy and I decided not to buy cribs, but to instead have Gracie and Luke sleep with us until they were ready for toddler beds. When this did not work out, we used the 2 Pack N Plays for their beds. They were nice because we could sleep on our own and Gracie and Luke had their own beds with no one rolling over them. When the fire happened, we had to throw them away because of the smoke damage. I only bought one to replace the original 2 because I figured that they were getting closer to the toddler bed stage.

Flash forward to Daddy being in the hospital:

Gracie and Luke haven't slept in the Pack N Play since we moved to our new apartment. They've slept on the day bed or on our bed (while we've been on the day bed). The Pack N Play has been relegated to a corner. They've done well on the bed and I'm fine on the day bed. They have slept so well, that I usually have to wake them up when it is time to go in the morning.

Then, one morning, about 4:30 am, I heard the sound of a little bird crying (not really, it was Gracie). When I went in to investigate, there was the Little Who, sitting there, hair everywhere, her binky askew in her mouth and WIDE awake. I know from experience that Gracie is not going back to sleep once she sits up. My heart dropped. I still had 30 minutes to sleep until my alarm went off! The next thing I knew, Lukie sat up, too. I decided to try to get them back to sleep, but it was to no avail. At 5 am, I started to panic about my shower. Then, I saw it: the Pack N Play sitting in the corner. I had a brief surge of remorse about locking them in baby jail, but then I realized that I needed them to be safe. So, I set up the Pack N Play, put a snuggly blanket in the bottom, handed each of them a sippy cup of milk and a graham cracker. I put them in the Pack N Play in the bathroom and stepped in the shower.

At first, Lukie started crying because he couldn't see me, but then, after awhile, he was too busy eating his graham cracker and playing with Gracie to notice that I was frantically taking a shower. The lasted through my shower and were still happy while I brushed my hair and got dressed! It was amazing. Not like jail at all!

Clearly, the Pack N Play is not meant to be used willy-nilly. Rather, used in moderation, it can function as a safe location to leave Twinsies who are not nice enough to sleep when they are supposed to. Yay for the Pack N Play!

It's a good thing I kept that Pack N Play. Otherwise, when Gracie woke up at 4:30 am today and would not go back to sleep, there would have been one very unhappy Mommy!

Wishin' and Hopin' and Thinkin' and Prayin'...

Dear Gracie and Lukie,

I've been thinking about writing you a letter recently. I started this blog when I was in the hospital to keep track of how I was progressing on keeping you tucked safely inside and as an outlet for all of the frustration I felt at being cooped up in the hospital while Daddy was at Grandma's house (he broke his leg after flirting with nurses and could not come visit me because he could not drive himself any where). As Aunt Becca will tell you, I have a terrible memory. If I don't write things down, I simply forget what happened or what I need to accomplish. She is forever making fun of me because I have forgotten events that are so clear in her memory. They simply don't exist in mine. Often, even after she has told me most of the background of a particular event in our childhood, I'm still clueless about it.

Maybe that's not entirely true. I remember a lot of things, things that to me define who I am as a person. I remember Mrs. Crossman, my first grade teacher, and her hugs. I remember scary Mrs. Clifton and her fake, looooong acrylic nails. I remember Mr. Lounsbury and that silly guppy that he put in a jar to prove to us in 6th grade that fish breathe oxygen, too (Ask me about this some day. It is a particularly awful memory. Gruesome, but still a funny story!). I remember running around Auntley's backyard with Aunt Becca and Auntie Ten Ten, pretending we were airplanes taking off. I remember snuggling under the freezing sheets in the back bedroom at Auntley's apartment, wishing desperately that they would warm up quickly. I remember, riding my bike, the one with the flowers on the seat, holding my hands in the air, so proud that I did not need to have my hands on the steering wheel. I remember the very first time Nana told me she was proud of me (she told me in a letter when I was 16 years old). I remember the look on your Daddy's face as I walked down the aisle. I remember the way he looked at me when I told him I was pregnant and the terror on his face 23 weeks later when you tried to come early. I remember the terrifying labor pains as I lay in Labor and Delivery, hoping against hope that Dr. H would be able to stop you from coming so early. And, I remember those beautiful first cries when you two were born. The most amazing sound I have ever heard.

Maybe, I hold close those memories that mean the most to me. Everything else is just life and once it passes, it is gone. Maybe that is why I "forget" so many things.

This blog has become my way of keeping track of "life." Someday, one or both of you are going to come and ask me about when you were little or when I was pregnant and I may have forgotten those little "life" memories. I want a place where I can come back and say, "Here you go! Oh, and by the way there's video so you can see what really happened!" I really hope that this blog becomes my memory book of your lives. I can only imagine you coming back here to read these posts as adults.

Technically, you won't be 17 months old until almost 9 pm Thursday night. For some reason, your age has been on my mind a lot lately. I keep calling you my babies, but you really aren't babies any more. You are toddlers. Children. And yet, I can't seem to call you those things. I want you to stay little for just a touch longer. I know that inevitably you will grow up. You will start to talk and Gracie will start calling water "water" and juice "juice" instead of calling all liquids "agua." Eventually, Lukie will say, "Give me" or "Da me" instead of "meme." While I am thrilled at the idea of you growing up, learning and developing, part of me will stay sad that you aren't my little babies any more.

Three years ago, I had a conversation with Aunt Becca that I had had with her many times. I was lamenting the idea that I would never be a mommy. Daddy was always so sick and I was clearly not in shape. I pulled out all the "Woe is me!" stuff and she listened. She kept telling me that I would be a Mommy one day. In my heart, I did not believe her. I was so very sad and just not feeling very optimistic about anything. When I think of that time, I feel like such a ninny. I let all the bad things in my life make me think that you were not even a possibility. I can't believe I wasted my tears on such negativity.

Nana used to hold me to the 3 happy thoughts for 1 complaint rule. I thought I had outgrown it until she pulled it on me again a few months ago. If I ever have to pull out that rule for you two, you know who to blame. The rule, while obnoxious when all you want to do is complain for an hour, is important. Life can pull some pretty crappy things on you. It can leave you out of your house for an indeterminate amount of time. It can make your spouse sick and in the hospital for weeks and weeks. It can make your babies sick and teething at the same time. But what it can't do, what you should never let it do, is take away your ability to see the blessings in your life. Your life is an amazing gift. Stop and be thankful for what you have. I'll demonstrate:

1) We have a home.

2) Daddy is getting better.

3) We have family who love us and want to help us.

4) We have family who like us and want to spend time with us!

5) We have money to buy food and gas and pay our bills.

6) We have each other.

These are all things to be thankful for and every time I start to feel "Woe is me!", I stop and remind myself of them. The number one thing I think when I am feeling the saddest is "I have Gracie and Luke." You are my number one thing to be thankful for in life. I hope that you never live a day not knowing how much I love you and am thankful for the gift of you.

Because, truly, there is nothing more amazing than you.

I Love You,

Mommy

The Tale of the Teddy Graham Family

Once upon a time, there was a bag of Mini Teddy Grahams. The bag was a very special bag only found at Target. Mommy would make special trips to Target just to obtain the special golden bag. The Teddy Grahams were much smaller than their full size counterparts, perfect for the tiny fingers of Twinsies. They were easily placed in snack containers and a handful made Twinsies very happy.

One day, Mommy noticed that the Mini Teddy Grahams were starting to pop up in odd places. She found an entire colony living in Gracie's car seat.

There was a legion that had committed teddycide on the kitchen floor. Then, Mommy noticed that the Teddies seemed to be coming our of every blanket, toy, and even every crevice that the Twinsies had spent time playing in.

It wasn't until Mommy got out of the car one day and saw an astounding sight that she realized how Super these Mini Teddy Grahams really were! As she got the stroller out of the car, Mommy looked down and saw:

A Mini Teddy Graham perched on the bumper.

How this teddy survived when all the other uneaten teddies had died horrible deaths being crushed by Elmo and Pooh sneakers, we do not know. However, this teddy did manage to ride on the bumper for at least 10 miles, surviving stops, starts, lane changes, and sudden swerves as crazy people cut Mommy off.

Not wanting the industrious teddy to go the way of his extended family, Mommy scooped him up and gave him a proper burial in the trash can. Mommy wondered, though, if the teddy might have wanted to go to his maker on his own terms.

Then again, maybe not.

Lukie's Project

Lucas has been developing some really fun habits lately. He is obsessed with emptying everything he comes across. This includes emptying the bathtub of toys. He has also developed an unfortunate attachment to Gracie's Strawberry Shortcake purse.

Yesterday, he decided to set his sights on my recently opened package of bottled waters. I was changing Gracie's diaper and when I looked up, I found that Lukie was taking one bottle after another out of the package and carrying them across the kitchen floor. When I let Gracie up, I grabbed the camera and caught this. It's a bit long, but bear with me. There are some great moments with Gracie saying, "agua," and both of them babbling away.

Oh, goodness! And then there is this one! You just have to see Lukie dancing to the Barney DVD playing in the background!

A sad passing

Two weeks ago, Daddy's family lost Tia Tere. In December, the cancer had spread to her brain and the doctors sent her home to be with her family. She lived to see 2009 and died quietly, Sunday, January 18th.

Grandmas Rosi flew back to Chicago to say good-bye and a small group gathered to send Tia Tere off to Heaven. It had snowed heavily there, almost like the angels were crying.

This will be a long one

Make sure you are sitting in a comfy chair. Maybe grab a coffee or other refreshment. Heck, if it's lunch time, I recommend bringing it over to the computer. This is going to be a long one.

We'll start with news from the Daddy front. I spoke with Daddy tonight. The gastroenterologist came to see him and decided that he wanted a more detailed look at what was going on inside of Daddy's body. They had him eat a radioactive egg salad sandwich (I'm still giggling at the idea of a radioactive egg salad sandwich) and they took x-rays for several hours. What they saw was that his digestive system is moving very very slowly. The good news: it's moving. The bad news: much more slowly than it should be. Before he could tell the doctor about the drug that helped him back in 2003, the doctor actually recommended the Propulsid (our banned by the FDA drug) and he increased Daddy's dosage to "with each meal." He is also putting him on some kind of antibiotic that tends to get your gut moving for some reason. Dr. A, our pediatrician, tells me that it is most likely Eurythrimiacin as it tends to do a number on most digestive systems, but that it really seems to help people with slowly moving guts.

The gastroenterologist wants to send Daddy home so that he can start getting back into the swing of things, hoping that being at home will help him heal more quickly. This is exciting and terrifying news. We desperately want Daddy home, but he gets very anxious about his nausea when he is not in the hospital. Today, marks 25 days since Daddy was admitted to the hospital. We were hoping he would be home for the Super Bowl, but it looks like he'll get to watch it on his flat screen tv in room 5211!

Genetics Suck. I know what you are thinking, Mom. I have better words in my vocabulary, but right now, the word "suck" fits the bill quite nicely. At four weeks old, Gracie was diagnosed with an ear infection. In the almost 17 months she has been alive, she has had more than a half dozen ear infections, four of which have happened since September 2008. This is to be expected. I had multiple ear infections, tubes in my ears, and was generally a sickie-poo. I was hoping that Gracie and Luke would some how be spared from tonsillectomies and ear tubes. We have been referred to an Ear, Nose, and Throat doctor to check out Gracie's right ear and to see if there is anything that can be done.

The curse of genetics does not stop there. Gracie has been on all 4 antibiotics pediatricans will prescribe to children her age. She started on Amoxicilin, then was on Augmentin, something called Omnicept, and last, but not least Biaxin. The last time she was on Augmentin, she was switched quickly to the Omnicept. The Augmentin gave her terrible diarreah and made her generally sad. This time, the Biaxin did not do its job and Dr. A decided to prescribe Augmentin again along with a probiotic to counteract the diarreah.

She started the Augmentin on Wednesday. Yesterday, the day care ladies mentioned a rash to me. I did not really see anything when I gave her a bath, but when they mentioned it again today, I took a really closer look. Gracie has a rash over her chest, back, chin and neck. It is bumpy and red looking. She hasn't been scratching it (thank goodness), but it worried me enough to call Dr. A and get her take on it. Dr. A was so worried that she had me take digital photos and email them to her. Sure enough, an hour later, Dr. A called me and told me to stop the Augmentin. Gracie is having an allergic reaction to the stuff. I asked Dr. A if she could be more specific about what part of the Augmentin Gracie was allergic to (it's a combination of antibiotics) and Dr. A said that most likely it was the Amoxicillin component. Notice the suffix "cillin" in that word. As in penicillin. Yes, just like her Nana, Gracie is allergic to the 'cillins. Great. Fantastic.

I'm going to pick up a new prescription for Omicept in the morning. In the meantime, Benedryl is our friend and I keep sneaking in to make sure she is okay. There hasn't been a peep out of them since I put them to bed at 7:30 pm. Which makes me think I need to go check on them again....

Our picture of the day is of Gracie's rash. All I have to say is "Go away rash! Go away!"

I'll be up checking Gracie throughout the night. Honestly, I'm terrified that her allergic reaction will get worse. I'll stop by tomorrow to let you know how it goes.

4 versus 7

4 - the number of loads of laundry per for Mommy, Gracie and Lukie

7 - the number of loads of laundry per week for Daddy, Mommy, Gracie and Lukie

5 - the time Mommy has to get up to take her shower so that she can get one in at the beginning of the day (nighttime showers are not my favorite), before the babies wake up

6:30 - the time the Twinsies used to go to sleep when Daddy was here

7:30 - the time Mommy gets back from driving the Twinsies around in the car so that they will fall asleep quickly

2:46 (in minutes and seconds) - the amount of time it took for Kenny Loggins and Olivia Newton-John to sing the Twinsies to sleep tonight

24 - the number of days Daddy has been away from us

infinity - the amount of space needed for us to box the love we have for Daddy and our wishes that he will be home soon

Little Tuesday

Tuesday Fiona Whitt

October 11, 2006 - January 30, 2009

May she dance with the angels.

May God hold her family in His comforting embrace.

Way Back When-sday - Happy Thoughts

A colleague of mine told me today that I am the unluckiest person he knows. Right now, I feel that way.

So, today, I am going to dwell on the luckiest thing that ever happened to me: Gracie and Luke.

One of my few pregnancy photos (taken by Aunt Becca)

The Twinsies and me in the NICU when they were one week old.

Gracie and her weird pope looking hat.

Lukie still makes this face.

I'm the luckiest girl in the world.

Snug as a Bug in a Rug

Since we brought them home from the hospital, Gracie and Luke have slept in the bed with us. In the beginning, it was a queen size bed with all 4 of us. As they grew and developed their thrashing sleep habits, we purchased a larger bed: a California King.

We sleep much more comfortably in the Cal King, but we still have the challenge of babies who like to snuggle as close as possible. Personally, I never sleep well with the Twinsies because I wake up when they cough, sigh, or cry out. It's horrible and it makes for very little sleep for me.

When Daddy started his stay in the hospital, I had Gracie and Luke sleep by themselves in the "big bed" and I slept out on the day bed in the living room. This was nice because I couldn't hear the little sounds they made and I could get things done (i.e. dishes, laundry, grading). We've had different variations as Twinsies have been sick and they've woken up, but most nights, it's just Gracie, Luke, their mountain of pillows and the Piglet's Big Movie soundtrack (a must have for any new parent!).

My favorite way to start the day is to come into the room and see how they are sleeping. I've found them next to each other, on top of each other, under pillows, at the other end of the bed...

This is what I found this morning:

They remind me of little stink bugs with their booties in the air. It made me giggle when I came in this morning to get them ready for the ride to Grandma's house. I took all 3 pictures and nothing woke them up!