Meet Gracie and Luke, our six-year-old twins!
We waited for them forever and can't remember life without them.

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Wednesday, March 17, 2010

Today's Score: Twinsies 298 - Mommy and Daddy 0

They're winning.
How do I know?
They whine. They cry. They throw themselves on the floor. They run away.
They get what they want. Because it is easier that way.
I don't know how it got like this. We were doing really well. Then, it seemed like overnight our pleasant Twinsies turned into mean talking, hitting, whining, and generally unpleasant 2 year-olds.
Daddy and I have started to sound like the parents we never wanted to be. We yell, we threaten, we use time-out as a punishment instead of a time to step back. Everything is a battle and we are weary.

Just like with everything else in our lives, we know what we are supposed to do, we know what we are supposed to say and yet, we don't. Why is that? John Rosemond, in his book, Making the Terrible Twos Terrific, says that the battle we do now to establish our role as the parents and the Twinsies role as the children will have long lasting effects. In fact, he says that if we don't establish our role as the "alpha dog", if you will, then the Twinsies' teenage years will be the most horrific of experiences. He isn't talking about us beating them down to always do our will because they are scared of us. Rather, he is talking about them doing what we ask, behaving as we ask, because they know it is what they are expected to do.

So, I sit here now, weary, heartsick, and feeling beaten. Why does this have to be such a battle? Why can't they be good listeners? Why can't I find the right words to inspire them to listen to me? Why do I have to fail at every turn?

Because really, they aren't winning. We are all losing.

4 comments:

  1. While I agree that toddlers need boundaries and guidance I think it is always a good idea to remember that they are only toddlers. Toddlers are odd little creatures, they are very primal. I would not expect them to "listen" and be "inspired" for a while. HUGS mama and hold on - 3 is just around the corner!

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  2. I've been having these same feelings! Lately everything seems like a battle...luckily it is generally only one twin not listening at a time. I will say it has gotten a little better since I have decided to stick out some of the tantrums. It is hard to do, but like sleep training, it is starting to pay off.

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  3. I'm right there with you. It's hard. Very, very hard. But like Sara, it's usually only one twin at a time that decides to really push us. On the days that it is both of them, I feel like curling up in a ball and rocking back and forth. And I do feel like some of it is starting to pay off, little by little. I know we will all survive - hang in there!!!

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  4. I can't even imagine 2 tantrums at once!!!! Mike's mom always says, the tantrums make you appreciate the adorable, sweet, funny, and loving moments so much more.

    We found the timer to be our best friend. We use it for everything, getting ready for bed, ending play time, ending TV time, getting ready to leave the house etc... We blame that timer for everything! She never argues with the timer. Of course, it doesn't work for every kid, but it has stopped countless arguements in our house! Good Luck

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