Mean Words

As I headed into their room for the third time tonight, I told them exactly what they had lost.

"Guys, I told you that if you did not go to sleep the first time, there was no jumpy place tomorrow.  You did not go to sleep, so no jumpy place.  Good night."

I turned off the light for the third time and closed the door.  I made it 10 feet from the door and it opened.

"I wish I didn't have a mom!" said Gracie and ran back to her bed.

Rather than react, I replied, "Okay," and closed the door.

As I headed into the laundry room, it occurred to me that I should be upset.  I should feel like a knife was thrust in my heart.  I should feel as if my baby girl has ripped me in two.  Instead, there was nothing.  None of the feelings moms have shared time and again as their children have said equally horrible things.

"I don't love you any more!"

"You're not my mommy any more!"

When I thought about it from Gracie's perspective, her words made sense.  She was frustrated about going to bed and then having the jumpy place taken away.  In her four year old mind, she wanted to hurt me and so she said words she thought would just that.  Her friends say things like, "You aren't my friend any more," all  the time.  Her words were designed to do the same thing that her friends mean to do: to express her frustration with words, hurt momentarily, and be friends again.

Does she really wish she did not have a mom?  No.  Just 10 minutes earlier, she was hugging me as if her life depended on it.  She says these things not really understanding the reality of them.  Are they hurtful?  I guess they would be if I truly believed she meant them.  But she doesn't.  She is using the only weapon she things she has.  I could act hurt and tell her how mean her words were, but that would give them weight and I don't want her to associate her words with the ability to hurt me.  That would result in her using them more frequently and in the future.  If I shrug them off, she will forget about them and is less likely to say them again.

I'm sure she will say these things when she is 8, 9 , 10, 11, 12...I have years of them ahead of me.  The key is not believing that she means them.  She may feel as if she means them in the moment, but a short time later, she will regret them and want to take them back.  She's already shown this to me in the past.  She will come to me 10 or 15 minutes after she does or says something awful, hug me and apologize to me for what she said.  I hug her, say thank you, and we move on.

As a mom, one of the most important things I can do for my children is demonstrate the ability to forgive.  Some day, when I am gone, Gracie will think back to a day when she said, "I wish I didn't have a mom!" She will either cry and be devastated for having hurt me, realize what a horrible thought it was and wish she had me back, or she will laugh at herself for her diva drama and be thankful that I was there to hug her and move on.

Someday, her words will hurt me.  I pray that I will continue to stop and think before I react so that I can see her words for the frustration they really are.

Gracie, My Driver

Gracie is obsessed with my steering wheel.  Well, actually, she is obsessed with my entire car.  She wants to drive it.  Desperately.

Mr. Moon

"Mommy?"
"Yes, Lukie."
"Somebody cut Mr. Moon! There's a piece missing!"

--------------------------

"Mommy! Mommy!"
"Yes, Gracie?"
"Mr. Moon is hungry. I think he wants some iCarly yogurt. Can I share mine?"
"I don't know. How are you going to get it to him?"
"He is going to come down and get it from me in our car."
"Oh, well, sure, then."

--------------------------

"Mommy, Mr. Moon is still awake. I need to tell him that Mr. Shunshine is waking up and it is time for him to go to sleep."

More things heard around our house

"Daddy, look at me.  Look at my eyes.  Do you see my angry eyes?  These are my angry eyes because you are not being nice. Be nice, Daddy, or I will not play with you."

"Lukie, leave Mommy alone.  She's in a time out."
"A time out?  Mommy's in a time out?" Lucas stares at me sitting on the couch quietly.
"Yes.  Come outside. Mommy needs to sit in her time out."
"Mommy's in a time out? What did she do? Gracie, Mommy's in a time out!"

"Mommy, I can do that!" (said watching commercial number 814)
"I can do that, too."
"No, Gracie.  That is for boys, not for girls."
"No, Lukie.  Girls can play with that toy, too. Not just boys."

"Mommy, when I grow up I will be the Mommy and you can be the baby. Okay?"

Remind me not to make goals and Some things heard around our house

The goal thing. Not working.

Some fun things heard around our house:

Mommy, when I grow up, I'm going to be Tammy and I'm going to paint your nails.

Mommy, when you get little and I get big, I'm going to cook your dinner and help you put your jammies on.

Mommy, Mark says I have dirty finger nails.  I told him not to use mean words.  He was bewwy mean.

Mommy, I told the coyotes that they can't come in our house.  I told them they need to be quiet because they are bewwy loud and mean.

Mommy, there are no monsters in our house?  No, Lukie.  There are no monsters.  And you locked all of the doors so they can't get in?  That's right, Lukie.  You helped me lock all of the doors.  No monsters can get in.  Oh, good.  If they try to get in the door will be locked and they will be stuck outside.

Mommy, when I was in your tummy I was on the top and Lukie was on the bottom?  Yep.  That's right! And I would swim around and around and Lukie would just have the hiccups, right?  Yep.  That's right!  Lukie is so silly.  He sure is!

Overheard around our house

"Mommy, which princess am I?" (Lukie wearing Gracie's Snow White dress up shoes)

Upon seeing 1/3 of the Christmas tree decorated and assembled (Gracie):  "Mommy, Look! You got us a Christmas tree!  Oh, thank you, thank you!  It is so beautiful!  Thank you, Mommy for our beautiful Christmas tree!  Do you know I love you?" (followed by a racing, huge bear hug)

"Mommy, look!  My diaper isn't wet!" (Gracie after waking up with a dry diaper 3 days in a row.  For the record, we are still working on night time PT.)

"Mommy, is Daddy going to have a slumber party with us?"
"No, Lukie, Daddy isn't going to have a slumber party with us. He is going to sleep at our house forever!"
"Forever?"
"Yes, forever!"
"Yay!  Yay!  Yay! Yay! Gwacie!  Daddy is going to sleep at our house forever!  Yay!  Yay!  Yay!"

"Mommy, do you know that you love me?"
"Yes, Gracie, I do know that I love you!"
"Good!"

"Mommy, don't say 'booty!'  Teacher Marlene says that is a mean word!"

A word we are NOT allowed to say at school

Things overheard in the car and around our house

"Lukie is stinky because he is stinky and he has a stinky booty."

"Gwacie, do you want to be my Mommy?"
"Okay, baby!"
"Waaaaa, waaaaa!"
"It's okay, baby!"

"Wook, Mommy!  I'm a pirate! Arrrrr!" said with heart shaped post-it notes stuck over one eye.

"I want some bubble gum, Mommy.  I want some bubble gum, Mommy.  I want some BUBBLE GUM, MOMMY!"

"Mommy!  Daddy is in the computer!  Wook, there he is!"

"Mommy!  Don't turn off my Daddy!"

"Don't go, Mommy!"

"No, I don't want you, Mommy!  I want my Daddy!"

"I don't wike you any more, Mommy."
"That's okay, Lucas.  No matter what you say, I will always love you."
"I don't wike you, Mommy.  Leave me alone."
"Okay, Lucas.  But remember, no matter what you say, I will always love you."
"No!"
"No matter what you say, I will always love you."

whispered:  "Mommy, there are no monsters and no mean witches and no ghosts in  your room, right?  Daddy made all of the monsters go away, right?"
whispered back:  "That's right, Gracie.  Daddy sent them all away.  They can't get you, because I love you and Daddy loves you and Lukie loves you and those mean monsters and mean witches and mean ghosts can't get inside our house."
"Okay, Mommy."  pause  "And there are no coyotes under your bed.  Right, Mommy?"

Seriously Un-Cool

Tiny Town is closed.

What? Why? The Horror!

I just discovered it and now it is gone. I can only blame the Recession and the owner of the building who no doubt raised the rent or some anonymous parent who sued them and bankrupted them. Who knows what happened?

We are devastated. We had to talk about it all the way home.

"Mommy, Tiny Town is closed?"

"Yes, Gracie."

"Forever, Mommy?"

"Yes, closed forever, Lukie."

"Why is it closed, Mommy?"

"I don't know, Gracie."

"Did they go somewhere, Mommy?"

"I don't think so, Lukie. They just closed."

"Oh, no, Mommy! No more jumpies!"

"I know, Love. It will be okay."

"But Mommy, where are the jumpies?"

"Mommy, can we play at Tiny Town?"

"No, sweetheart, they are closed."

"Forever?"

"Yes, forever."

Silence.

"Mommy, can we go to Old McDonalds?"

"And get chicken nuggets and trench tries?"

"Yeah! And play on the climbing thing and go down the slide?!"

"I'm going to have dip with my chicken nuggets."

"Me, too!"


Maybe they won't miss Tiny Town as much as I will, after all.

Things heard in the bathtub

"The dog was afraid of the water!  The DOG was a-FRAID of the WATER! The DAAAWWWG was afraid of the WAAATER! And then he ran AWAY!"

"Lukie, no splashing Mommy. You'll get her all wet!"
"Gwacie, I can get Mommy wet.  Daddy said I could."

"Twinkle, Twinkle Chicken Nugget!  How I wonder how you NUGGET!"

"Mommy, I want to watch the movie with the mean lizards and the cow with the horns and the cow is dead! And the mean lizards try to eat the babies."

"Mommy, Gwacie threw water on me."
"Then don't throw water on Gracie, Lucas."
"But I have to throw water on Gracie."
"Why?"
"Because I have to!"

"The doggie on the bus goes round and round, round and round.  The doggie on the bus goes round and round, all through the town."

Without Pictures

Every moment with Gracie and Luke requires a camera.  My camera, however, is often not to be found.  There have been many moments this week I wish I had captured, because they are amazing memories I really do not want to forget.

This week, Gracie started wearing big girl undies at school.  She is incredibly cute in them.  She loves looking at Hello Kitty and friends.  While we are very excited for her, I'm not entirely sure she is ready.  She has been a little stressed out, does not like being asked if she needs to go potty, and will not nap (I think she's afraid to have an accident while she's asleep).  She especially does not like pooping in the toilet.  Frankly, it scares her.  She'd much rather go in a diaper or Pull-Up.  She has been uncharacteristically on edge this week and I'm a bit worried that we are pushing her too soon.  Her teachers seem to think she is definitely ready.  I plan to keep an eye on her this week and make a decision about whether or not to continue.  The last thing I want is for her to be anxious about  wearing panties.

This week also heralded the beginning of my work at Summer School.  There have been many late nights and it has made the smiles, hugs, and "I love yous" all the more wonderful.  I wish I could be at home with them more and I'm hoping things even out soon.  Yesterday, we spent time together, Gracie, Lukie, and I, painting with watercolors.  We painted on paper for quite sometime until Lukie decided he wanted a different canvas.  "Look at me, Mommy!  I painted my toes!"  Sure enough, he had used the black and blue water color paint to paint all 10 of his toes.  He asked me if I wanted my toes painted too, but I declined.  Gracie, however, could not wait for her toes to be painted.  Lukie obliged and the two of them ran around the porch giggling and shouting, "Look at my toes!"  Again, another moment a camera would have been handy!

Then, there was the day my little boy was a very BIG help to his Daddy.  My dresser did not fare well moving from our house to our temporary abode and back.  It was from IKEA and as much as I love them, the dresser was not built to withstand all of that moving.  Daddy had Tio Joey and Tio Freddy move the dresser out to our car port and Thursday, Lukie and Daddy carefully took it apart.  Daddy only had to show Lukie how to use the screwdriver once.  After that, he was a pro.  He disassembled the dresser drawers and actually lifted the wood up into the trashcan all by himself.  When Daddy told me about it, he had such pride in his face.  I thought he would burst with it.  I wish I had video of Lukie lifting those heavy pieces of wood into the trashcan.  He keeps telling me that he is Superman. I suspect this is the only chance I will have to see him in action!

For quite some time now, Gracie and Lukie have been talking up a storm. I have no idea how many words they each can speak, I just know that I can hardly keep up with them.  Gracie loves to tell me stories.  Some of them are memories of things she's lived and others are completely figments of her imagination.  Here's the story she told me the other day on the way to Abue Rosi's house:

"Mommy, I took my puppy for a walk, but he didn't eat the pizza.  I told him: 'No puppy, don't eat that pizza.' and then he walked down the street and we said 'hi' to the giraffe, but he didn't eat the pizza either.  And we saw the chickens and they tried to walk with us and I said: 'No chickens!  No eating the pizza!'  Mommy, those chickens are silly.  They shouldn't eat pizza!  They should eat bread.  Can we get some break for the chickens, Mommy?"

I sat in stunned silence listening to that story.  I had no idea what to make of it, no idea what is from actual experience and what the heck is totally made up.  All I know is that she was very excited about her story and repeated it again.  Another time, my camera would have been helpful.

*Sigh.*

I just wish I could remember to bring it in from the car.

Words to Melt Your Heart

Words are amazingly powerful. Some words have been spoken to me that have never left my memory. Good or bad, they have left a mark.

Even though they are only 2 and a half, Gracie and Luke have already learned the power of words. They have learned how to ask for what they want, tell each other (and us) when they are not happy, and how to tell a story. Many of their words are spoken and taken for granted. I don't remember my conversations with Gracie and Lukie in the car yesterday, but I most certainly remember the first time each of them told me that they loved me. Each time they tell me they want a kiss and a hug or they say, "My Mommy!" my heart simply melts.

Last night was one of those kinds of nights. We had a long day yesterday and Gracie and Luke had a hard time waking up after our drive home. After lots of cuddles and drying of tears, they each got a few of their favorite toys from their room and came to sit down with us. Lukie and I cuddled in the rocking chair while Gracie say with her Daddy on the sofa wearing her princess crown, a sparkly necklace, jammies, and her Snow White high heeled shoes. Diego was playing on the television and when the music started at the end, Gracie stood up, put her arms out and said, "Dance with me Daddy!" I watched the emotions play across Daddy's face. It was clear that this was one of those times that four simple words would be etched in his memory. He held Gracie's hands and they danced on the sofa, all the while, tears glistened in Daddy's eyes.

Gracie's words, spoken so sweetly, were powerful and cemented a bond between Daddy and daughter. Darn it, they simply melted our hearts!

Maybe they are learning too much from Dora and Diego

Barney used to be Gracie and Luke's favorite show. Easy enough. Songs, elephants, fun-loving dinosaurs. Nothing to worry about. Nothing to scare them, just happy songs.

Sometime in the last 6 months, they stopped asking for Barney and everything became about Dora and Diego. We sing Dora songs and Gracie and Luke tell me stories about the animals Diego has saved. All of a sudden, they are using Spanish words again. They repeat after Dora and Diego during the shows and, occasionally, throw out a Vámanos!

Recently, they learned the word "abre." Dora and Boots told a gate to open and got everyone to say "ABRE!"

"Say, 'abre!'"

As with all things Dora, this phrase has become a part of our lives. You will never guess where. Just try.

Go ahead. I'll wait.

I was changing Gracie's diaper a few days ago and needed to use a wipe to clean her thoroughly. Unfortunately, Gracie does not like to be cleaned and will close her legs very tightly to prevent the diaper changer from getting all the nooks and crannies cleaned. Usually, she and I play a cat and mouse game:
Me: Gracie, open your legs.
Gracie: No.
Me: Gracie, Mommy needs to clean you very carefully. I will be very, very gentle. Please open your legs.
Gracie: No, Mommy.
Me: Gracie, I will be very gentle. Do you want me to show you gentle?
She'll open up a little and as soon as I start cleaning her legs, she will close them right back up.

So, the other day, we are starting our usual Diaper Dance and, instead of busting out with "No, Mommy", Gracie said, "Say, 'abre', Mommy."

Me: What?
Gracie: Say, 'abre!'

Daddy was sitting there laughing his head off. He thought it was hysterical that Gracie was making me use Spanish to tell her to open her legs. Awesome.

So, I said it and...tada! I got to clean her up. The bad news is that she won't let me change her diaper anymore with out saying 'abre' about 15 times.

Thanks a ton, Dora.

Lukie Said WHAT? #1

Okay, let's see how you do!

Lukie Said WHAT? #1

He's singing something, but can you guess what it is??


And, just for fun!

He said What?

I've decided I'm going to start a new game. The game is called: "Lukie said WHAT?"

I swear, I sit in the front seat of the car listening to my son talk and I have NO clue what the heck is coming out of his mouth. Sometimes, Daddy can translate and other times we look at each other in complete confusion.

Part of the challenge is Lukie's habit of making one syllable words become two syllable words. The most common victim/word is the word "there" which Lukie pronounces as "dey-er." He also uses the "ya" sound in place of the "L" sound. So I hear:
"Yook, Mommy! Yook!"
"Yet me, Gracie. Yet me."

He also has a habit of saying words in a particular order. "Mommy, I want the odder one car." instead of "Mommy, I want the other car."

It's a lot to keep up with and, sadly, I'm not fluent in "Lukie Language" enough to translate. So, instead, we'll play, "Lukie said WHAT?"

Watch for our first installment tomorrow!

Boys have a penis. Girls have a vagina.

Oh, yeah. I went there.

I read a lot of things about describing body parts when Gracie and Luke were super little. Pretty much every expert agreed that giving "cutsy" names to body parts would only serve to confuse the Twinsies and lead to confusion in their communication with adults. So, when Lukie pointed down and said, "What's that, Mommy?" I was honest.

"It's your penis, Lukie."
"My penis?"
"Yep."
He asked me about 50 more times, but I won't bore you with the back and forth.

Once Lukie knew what his special body part was called Gracie got in on the action. "What's this, Mommy?"
"It's your vagina, Gracie." (I know they are labia, but I opted for vagina. Sue me. She's my daughter.)
"Bagina?"
"V. Vvvvagina."
"My bagina?" And so forth.

Our discussion of the penis and vagina led to a discussion of boys versus girls. I am happy to report that both Gracie and Luke are able to correctly identify everyone in their lives by their gender.
Mommy = girl
Daddy = boy
Lukie = boy
Gracie = girl
Tio Freddy = boy
Baby Emmy = girl
and so on...

The fun part is that they love to say "penis" and "vagina." So much so, that Daddy has been incredibly embarrassed in front of nurses at Kaiser.


Please excuse my cellphone video.

Where the Heck are Gracie and Lukie?

Oh, stop! Have you really been asking that question? Really?

Some of you actually have. To be honest, we've been right here. I've thought almost every day about coming to update, but honestly, I've been enjoying Gracie and Luke too much to take the time. I apologize for that. Prepare to be bombarded with news!

Item 1: Learning, Learning, Learning
Daycare, also known as preschool, has been a ton of fun lately. I can tell because the laundry I've been doing is full of dirt, finger paints, glue and feathers. We've received weekly reports on the Twinsies. Apparently, they sometimes remember their numbers, sometimes remember their shapes, and sometimes remember their colors. Which is weird, because they always remember them with me. Hmmmm. Performance anxiety? I don't know. We've also tried our hand at potty training. But let's face it. Gracie and Luke are just not ready. They think the potty is exciting, but unless someone runs them there, they will happily pee in their pants. Not fun. They like underwear, though, so we'll keep trying them on.


Item 2: Talking, Talking, Talking
I can remember when I wished Gracie and Luke could express themselves. I no longer need to wish for that. Both of them are very good at communicating (when they want to) and their vocabulary is changing like crazy. I've been a bit sad, actually. Other people's kids mispronounce things in cutsy ways. Not Gracie and Luke. The most exciting thing they mispronounce is "strawbaberries." Well, there is Lukie's pronunciation of anything with an "r" sound in it. For example: "dey-er" (there). They've gotten so good at talking, I thought I would interview them.


Item 3: Playing, Playing, Playing
During Spring Break, I took Gracie and Lukie to the park almost every day. It was great to get out and we tried to go to a different park each time. Some trips were more successful than others. I counted any trip where we got back into the car in one piece as a success. Of course, I noticed somethings while visiting the park: 1) Lukie only likes to play with Gracie, but at the park, he's a total loner. 2) Gracie could make friends with the meanest person on the planet and they'd smile and play with her for an hour.


Item 4: Singing, Singing, Singing
Just as their vocabulary has exploded, their singing has too. They have many songs memorized and love to sing. We do have to hear "Round and round" about 50 times when Gracie gets stuck on "The Wheels on the Bus". By far, the best is "Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star." Gracie says, "Bup, a-bup the world so high..." Lukie likes to make up his own songs. Daddy and I sit there trying to translate. I'm afraid we just don't speak "Lukese." Although, yesterday, his song sounded like "A Fed-co," but then, how would he know about Fedco? They closed before Ed and I even got married. Here's their latest favorite. A song I sing just for them.


I have lots more to share, but I don't want to overwhelm you!

A Day at the Zoo

Daddy and I crazily took Gracie and Lukie to the Zoo without a stroller. Cuz we're cool like that.

We had fun. We held hands. We ran after dashing two year-olds. We saw monkeys, gorillas, sleeping lions, very tall giraffes. It was great!

At one point, we sat down and had a snack.

See that bag? They finished the whole thing. All the Moms were staring at us. I know what they were thinking, "She lets them eat Cheetos?"

I don't care. They were happy.

Of course, when your son carries a fistful of Cheetos, you can expect to be judged a bit.

Unfortunately, we missed nap time. And when you miss nap time, you get this:

In the end, we planted ourselves on a bench, ate Cheetos, drank lemonade, and had this conversation.

Conversations with Gracie and Lukie

Things have been happening around here faster than a NASCAR pace car!  Everyday, I am blown away by how verbal Gracie and Luke are.  They seem to take on new words faster than I can figure out where they are coming from.  I find myself constantly wishing I had the FLIP permanently attached to my arm so that I could capture this all on film.  Alas, I keep forgetting it in the car.

Last night, Gracie and Lukie were especially verbal.  From the moment I arrived home, I was inundated with stories from their school day.  They were talking so fast that I could hardly keep up with them.  Here's what I gleened from their conversation:  Apparently, their friend, Nathan, at school, was grabbing and hurting Luke.  Lukie said, "No, Nathan!  Stop!"  Nathan would not stop, so the teacher came and put him in a time out.  Then, the teacher held Lukie and told him he would be okay and he stopped crying.  Then, Nathan came and said "Sorry" to Lukie and gave him a hug.

Do you see what I mean?  This is some crazy involved stuff!  No more, "Look, Momma!  Elmo!"  Nope.  Now, I am getting complete stories about their day and things they did.

After bath last night, Gracie (freakishly awake) recounted the entire story again for Daddy.  Daddy stood there staring at Gracie as she went on and on about how Nathan hurt Lukie and got a time out. Daddy looked at me with wide eyes.  "Don't look at me!" I said.  "She's your daughter!"  Daddy laughed because he likes to tell me very long drawn out stories and I usually lose him halfway through because I am drowsing off.

Flash forward to this morning:  Gracie woke up at the crack (well, just before the crack) of dawn.  I got her out of bed and put her in our bed so that I could go get ready for work.  When I came out of the bathroom 20 minutes later, I heard a voice in the darkness:  "Mommy, the monkeys were jumping at the zoo and they were eating leaves (she pronounces it lee-bs) and standing up!  And the lions were sleeping and the giraffes were eating leaves high in the sky!"

I turned on the light in my closet and saw Gracie Lu Who sitting up in bed brushing her hair from her eyes, wide awake and ready for the day.  After she climbed out of bed, she walked over to me and asked me what I was doing.  "I'm getting dressed, Little Who."

"What are you going to wear, Momma?"

"I don't know.  I need to pick out something.  Do you want to help?"

From there, the fashion advice started.  I should wear pink.  I should wear a dress.  I should wear "dees" shoes.

I think I have finally realized.  We are in BIG trouble.

The Elephant

Lucas and Gracie are in love with elephants.  They have elephant stuffed animals, elephant pjs, elephants on the walls of their room, love Horton the elephant and say the word elephant about 50 times per day.

We saw this elephant at a park.  Lukie was certain it was just for him.




By the way, we got a free Flip Video camera from Verizon when we reestablished our phone and internet with them. It is awesome. The software alone is a happy thing. It publishes your videos directly to YouTube. Really cool! (I'm still working on the quality, though.)