As I headed into their room for the third time tonight, I told them exactly what they had lost.
"Guys, I told you that if you did not go to sleep the first time, there was no jumpy place tomorrow. You did not go to sleep, so no jumpy place. Good night."
I turned off the light for the third time and closed the door. I made it 10 feet from the door and it opened.
"I wish I didn't have a mom!" said Gracie and ran back to her bed.
Rather than react, I replied, "Okay," and closed the door.
As I headed into the laundry room, it occurred to me that I should be upset. I should feel like a knife was thrust in my heart. I should feel as if my baby girl has ripped me in two. Instead, there was nothing. None of the feelings moms have shared time and again as their children have said equally horrible things.
"I don't love you any more!"
"You're not my mommy any more!"
When I thought about it from Gracie's perspective, her words made sense. She was frustrated about going to bed and then having the jumpy place taken away. In her four year old mind, she wanted to hurt me and so she said words she thought would just that. Her friends say things like, "You aren't my friend any more," all the time. Her words were designed to do the same thing that her friends mean to do: to express her frustration with words, hurt momentarily, and be friends again.
Does she really wish she did not have a mom? No. Just 10 minutes earlier, she was hugging me as if her life depended on it. She says these things not really understanding the reality of them. Are they hurtful? I guess they would be if I truly believed she meant them. But she doesn't. She is using the only weapon she things she has. I could act hurt and tell her how mean her words were, but that would give them weight and I don't want her to associate her words with the ability to hurt me. That would result in her using them more frequently and in the future. If I shrug them off, she will forget about them and is less likely to say them again.
I'm sure she will say these things when she is 8, 9 , 10, 11, 12...I have years of them ahead of me. The key is not believing that she means them. She may feel as if she means them in the moment, but a short time later, she will regret them and want to take them back. She's already shown this to me in the past. She will come to me 10 or 15 minutes after she does or says something awful, hug me and apologize to me for what she said. I hug her, say thank you, and we move on.
As a mom, one of the most important things I can do for my children is demonstrate the ability to forgive. Some day, when I am gone, Gracie will think back to a day when she said, "I wish I didn't have a mom!" She will either cry and be devastated for having hurt me, realize what a horrible thought it was and wish she had me back, or she will laugh at herself for her diva drama and be thankful that I was there to hug her and move on.
Someday, her words will hurt me. I pray that I will continue to stop and think before I react so that I can see her words for the frustration they really are.
Showing posts with label behavior. Show all posts
Showing posts with label behavior. Show all posts
Thursday, June 14, 2012
Saturday, June 9, 2012
Four year olds are twisted creatures
Gracie and Lucas have been driving me insane the past few weeks. I'm sure a lot of it has to do with their schedule being disrupted. Abue Rosi has been in Mexico for the past week watching over Abuelita. So they have been with Daddy at Abue's house in the morning. We are also counting down the days until the end of pre-school and the sun has been going down later...there is a lot going on.
The problem is that they have been creep-a-zoids. They have been hitting each other and destroying our house, being rude to me and doing exactly the opposite of what I ask, and sometimes demand, that they do. Even Daddy has complained about their behavior. We've been at a loss. What do you do with two four year olds who are are acting rude and awful?
The twisted thing is that they will do what I want...if I tell them not to do it. For example,
"Lukie, don't you eat that broccoli. No. Don't you eat it!"
Lukie shoves the broccoli in his mouth and laughs maniacally.
"Doh!" I say, inwardly pleased that my son just ate something he swore he would not eat.
The last two hours they were awake tonight, I got them to do everything I wanted by telling them NOT to do it.
"Don't you wash your hair! No....don't you do it!"
"Don't you put those toys away. Nope, not those toys. No, don't do it!"
"Don't you put your jammies on. No...don't put them on!"
"Don't you clean up your room! No, don't put that away. Don't you clean!"
As long as I followed everything they did with "Doh!", they kept doing what I wanted them to do. It was nice not to have to fight with them, but it was a pain telling them NOT to do everything. The thing is, they've been frustrating me so much that I'm willing to try anything, no matter how annoying.
Four year-olds are twisted creatures. Yes, they are.
Today's Self-Dressing Brilliance
The problem is that they have been creep-a-zoids. They have been hitting each other and destroying our house, being rude to me and doing exactly the opposite of what I ask, and sometimes demand, that they do. Even Daddy has complained about their behavior. We've been at a loss. What do you do with two four year olds who are are acting rude and awful?
The twisted thing is that they will do what I want...if I tell them not to do it. For example,
"Lukie, don't you eat that broccoli. No. Don't you eat it!"
Lukie shoves the broccoli in his mouth and laughs maniacally.
"Doh!" I say, inwardly pleased that my son just ate something he swore he would not eat.
The last two hours they were awake tonight, I got them to do everything I wanted by telling them NOT to do it.
"Don't you wash your hair! No....don't you do it!"
"Don't you put those toys away. Nope, not those toys. No, don't do it!"
"Don't you put your jammies on. No...don't put them on!"
"Don't you clean up your room! No, don't put that away. Don't you clean!"
As long as I followed everything they did with "Doh!", they kept doing what I wanted them to do. It was nice not to have to fight with them, but it was a pain telling them NOT to do everything. The thing is, they've been frustrating me so much that I'm willing to try anything, no matter how annoying.
Four year-olds are twisted creatures. Yes, they are.
Today's Self-Dressing Brilliance
 |
| Gracie is wearing a shirt, shorts, and her dress from Chichen Itza. Lucas has on 3, yes, 3 shirts, and shorts. |
Friday, June 8, 2012
Dressing ourselves
For the past month or so, we've been getting dressed before we go to Abue Rosi's house in the morning. Usually, we can get away with me setting out Gracie and Lukie's clothes. Occasioanlly, they refuse to wear what I put out and they insist on picking out what they want to wear.
Here are some of the results:
It boggles the mind.
Here are some of the results:
It boggles the mind.
Tuesday, August 3, 2010
Eat or don't. It's up to you, kid.
There are picky eaters in the world. Many of them. I just never thought my kids would be some of them. When it was just Gracie, Lukie, and me in the apartment last year, they would eat most everything I put in front of them with some exceptions. Recently, however, they have really been testing my patience.
Things Gracie will eat:
turkey, cheese, crackers
chicken, green beans, and noodles from Panda Express
bacon
pizza
plain chicken
cheese
yogurt
and, sometimes, she'll eat:
apples
lettuce
quesadillas
carrots
cookies
milk/chocolate milk
corn
melon
bread
tomato
Lukie will pretty much eat anything we put in front of him, except when he decides he doesn't want to. Yeah. He's fun like that.
We don't really have any control over lunch at day care. We have them help us make their lunches, but when they are at school, they eat only what they want to. All of the rest of their food comes home in their lunch boxes. Of course, it would be great if we would make them eat what was left over, but not very safe given it hasn't been in the refrigerator. Dinner has been the real challenge. We make dinner. We put it on their fun plates. Lukie will eat most of it, especially if it has meat and noodles or meat and rice. Gracie...She pushes it around and refuses to eat. Then, she'll ask for crackers or cheese an hour later.
A couple of nights ago, I had enough. I resolved to let them go hungry if they would not eat what we put in front of them. So, last night, Gracie said she wanted turkey, cheese, and crackers and Lukie agreed. I made each of them turkey, cheese, crackers, and added some sliced tomatoes and carrots.
To say that they ate little of it is an overstatement. Gracie threw her cheese at Lukie and said that she didn't want it. Neither of them ate the turkey. Lukie ate some of his tomatoes and that was it. Daddy and I told them that they either at their dinner or they would go to bed. Lukie turned his plate over and dropped his food on the floor. So, that was it. At 5:15 pm, they went into the bath tub, and were in their room, in their jammies, at 5:45 pm. Daddy and I read a few books to them and, then, at 6:30 pm, the lights went off. There was a lot of crying and kicking of feet, requests for bananas, etc., but Daddy held firm. They were asleep a little while later and, thankfully, slept through the night.
This morning, they had cereal and when they started to play instead of eat, I asked if they were done and reminded them that if they did not eat their cereal, there was nothing else to eat. This got them both to sit down and finish a little more. I don't expect it to be super easy, but I'm sticking with this method. I thought about trying something flashy and fun to get them to eat, but why? If you don't eat what we make, then you don't eat. It's a simple equation, one that Gracie and Lukie need to learn quickly.
Here's something funny: I started this post about two hours ago and just got an email from BabyCenter.com about finicky eaters. Let's see if the "experts" can help with the issue.
Things Gracie will eat:
turkey, cheese, crackers
chicken, green beans, and noodles from Panda Express
bacon
pizza
plain chicken
cheese
yogurt
and, sometimes, she'll eat:
apples
lettuce
quesadillas
carrots
cookies
milk/chocolate milk
corn
melon
bread
tomato
Lukie will pretty much eat anything we put in front of him, except when he decides he doesn't want to. Yeah. He's fun like that.
We don't really have any control over lunch at day care. We have them help us make their lunches, but when they are at school, they eat only what they want to. All of the rest of their food comes home in their lunch boxes. Of course, it would be great if we would make them eat what was left over, but not very safe given it hasn't been in the refrigerator. Dinner has been the real challenge. We make dinner. We put it on their fun plates. Lukie will eat most of it, especially if it has meat and noodles or meat and rice. Gracie...She pushes it around and refuses to eat. Then, she'll ask for crackers or cheese an hour later.
A couple of nights ago, I had enough. I resolved to let them go hungry if they would not eat what we put in front of them. So, last night, Gracie said she wanted turkey, cheese, and crackers and Lukie agreed. I made each of them turkey, cheese, crackers, and added some sliced tomatoes and carrots.
To say that they ate little of it is an overstatement. Gracie threw her cheese at Lukie and said that she didn't want it. Neither of them ate the turkey. Lukie ate some of his tomatoes and that was it. Daddy and I told them that they either at their dinner or they would go to bed. Lukie turned his plate over and dropped his food on the floor. So, that was it. At 5:15 pm, they went into the bath tub, and were in their room, in their jammies, at 5:45 pm. Daddy and I read a few books to them and, then, at 6:30 pm, the lights went off. There was a lot of crying and kicking of feet, requests for bananas, etc., but Daddy held firm. They were asleep a little while later and, thankfully, slept through the night.
This morning, they had cereal and when they started to play instead of eat, I asked if they were done and reminded them that if they did not eat their cereal, there was nothing else to eat. This got them both to sit down and finish a little more. I don't expect it to be super easy, but I'm sticking with this method. I thought about trying something flashy and fun to get them to eat, but why? If you don't eat what we make, then you don't eat. It's a simple equation, one that Gracie and Lukie need to learn quickly.
Here's something funny: I started this post about two hours ago and just got an email from BabyCenter.com about finicky eaters. Let's see if the "experts" can help with the issue.
Sunday, July 11, 2010
And the P/Ting hits a snag...
I always knew that Gracie would be the first one to start potty training. When she was 4 months old, she started to hit developmental milestones a few weeks before Lucas. Since then, she seems to do things first and Lukie is a few days or weeks behind.
That the teachers told us she was ready for panties came as a bit of a surprise, but I did not question them. Unfortunately, they spend more time with her than I get to, so they had a better idea of her readiness. Apparently, she has been doing very well at school. She comes home dry and wearing the same panties we sent her in (well, except one day). She does well with Abue Rosi and going to the potty there.
It's using the bathroom at home that is not going well.
Gracie absolutely does not like me reminding her about going to the bathroom. She doesn't want me asking, doesn't want me telling her to go, and certainly will not admit that she needs to go. I'll ask her gently, "Gracie, do you need to go potty in the toilet?" "Gracie, remember, there's a bathroom in this store. Let me know if you need to go and I'll take you!" "Gracie, hold the potty in your vagina until you get to the bathroom." (P.S. I know it isn't in her vagina. It is just easier to explain it to her that way.)
We are engaged in an epic battle: Mommy versus the Independent "I don't need to go potty" Toddler. She'll let me win once or twice a day, when she wants to. Here's the kicker. She lets me win a little. She will get on the toilet sprinkle a bit and announce "I did it!" She'll jump off the toilet and declare herself done. Only, she isn't done. She pees only a little and holds the rest. By midday, she can't hold it any longer and pees. Not in the toilet, she pees all over herself, her panties, the carpet, the floor, or whatever surface she happens to be on at the moment. All in the name of being in control of her own body.
And, I get it. Do I like the fact that she would rather have an accident than admit that she needs to use the restroom? No. Do I like that she is holding her urine inside her body rather than do what I ask her to do? Absolutely not. It worries me on several levels. Her body can't take holding it in and nothing good will come of it if we let this continue.
Last Sunday, for example, we went through 4 pair of panties and two outfits. I was at a loss and I couldn't take it any more. Gracie was getting more and more stubborn by the second. She absolutely would not go to the bathroom and hid in the corner to poop in her panties.
So, I buckled and I put Gracie back into Pull-Ups. For those few hours, I did not have to worry about the couch getting peed on or washing the Fancy Nancy shoes for a fourth time. And for those few hours, I thought constantly about how I had failed Gracie. Yes, failed. I'm the adult and as such, it falls to me to be patient and creative, to teach her how to work through asserting her independence and still being a big girl who uses the toilet. It was a very low day in my history as a Mom and I went to bed that night thinking that I had ruined potty training.
The week has continued to be a struggle, but Gracie and I seem to have come to a truce of sorts. I've discovered that you can't ask her if she needs to got to the bathroom or even ask her if she wants to. She'll always say no. However, there is a way that works and makes both of us happy. She still gets to be independent and I have figured out a creative way to get her to go to the bathroom even when she doesn't want to. You see, I announce that I have to go to the bathroom and I ask Gracie to go with me. I tell her that I would like a friend to go with me and she will hold my hand and walk me there. About 90% of the time, she'll tell me, once we close the door, that she will go first and then I can go. I never ask if she needs to go and never suggest it. Instead, getting her into the room gives her the choice to decide to use the bathroom or not. It has really worked well when we are at home and it worked great at the Zoo today. Whatever distraction I can make that gets her into the room seems to work. A small victory, but one I can appreciate.
By the way, I am totally aware that no one really cares to read about the poop issues of my children. However, this blog is my way of recording our struggles so that one day, when my memories are dim and I can't recall my name, I can point to this recorded history and say, "Here you go, kiddos!"
Oh, and there is one side benefit to all this struggle. My sisters, especially Auntie Ten Ten, have assured me that this whole struggle is really a bonding experience for Gracie and me. The more we struggle, the more Gracie and I are forming a stronger relationship. And they are right! Gracie has been much more affectionate and slightly clingy (clingy in a good way). For example, she wants me to hold her hand when we walk places. She was my Zoo buddy today, holding my hand and telling me that she loves me a lot. She wants to know where I am and what I am doing. At the same time, she is gaining confidence. She believes in herself and knows she is becoming a big girl.
So, we have hit this little snag, but I'm hoping we've made some progress and have some strategies in place for adapting. I'm hanging in there and I hope Gracie can, too.
That the teachers told us she was ready for panties came as a bit of a surprise, but I did not question them. Unfortunately, they spend more time with her than I get to, so they had a better idea of her readiness. Apparently, she has been doing very well at school. She comes home dry and wearing the same panties we sent her in (well, except one day). She does well with Abue Rosi and going to the potty there.
It's using the bathroom at home that is not going well.
Gracie absolutely does not like me reminding her about going to the bathroom. She doesn't want me asking, doesn't want me telling her to go, and certainly will not admit that she needs to go. I'll ask her gently, "Gracie, do you need to go potty in the toilet?" "Gracie, remember, there's a bathroom in this store. Let me know if you need to go and I'll take you!" "Gracie, hold the potty in your vagina until you get to the bathroom." (P.S. I know it isn't in her vagina. It is just easier to explain it to her that way.)
We are engaged in an epic battle: Mommy versus the Independent "I don't need to go potty" Toddler. She'll let me win once or twice a day, when she wants to. Here's the kicker. She lets me win a little. She will get on the toilet sprinkle a bit and announce "I did it!" She'll jump off the toilet and declare herself done. Only, she isn't done. She pees only a little and holds the rest. By midday, she can't hold it any longer and pees. Not in the toilet, she pees all over herself, her panties, the carpet, the floor, or whatever surface she happens to be on at the moment. All in the name of being in control of her own body.
And, I get it. Do I like the fact that she would rather have an accident than admit that she needs to use the restroom? No. Do I like that she is holding her urine inside her body rather than do what I ask her to do? Absolutely not. It worries me on several levels. Her body can't take holding it in and nothing good will come of it if we let this continue.
Last Sunday, for example, we went through 4 pair of panties and two outfits. I was at a loss and I couldn't take it any more. Gracie was getting more and more stubborn by the second. She absolutely would not go to the bathroom and hid in the corner to poop in her panties.
So, I buckled and I put Gracie back into Pull-Ups. For those few hours, I did not have to worry about the couch getting peed on or washing the Fancy Nancy shoes for a fourth time. And for those few hours, I thought constantly about how I had failed Gracie. Yes, failed. I'm the adult and as such, it falls to me to be patient and creative, to teach her how to work through asserting her independence and still being a big girl who uses the toilet. It was a very low day in my history as a Mom and I went to bed that night thinking that I had ruined potty training.
The week has continued to be a struggle, but Gracie and I seem to have come to a truce of sorts. I've discovered that you can't ask her if she needs to got to the bathroom or even ask her if she wants to. She'll always say no. However, there is a way that works and makes both of us happy. She still gets to be independent and I have figured out a creative way to get her to go to the bathroom even when she doesn't want to. You see, I announce that I have to go to the bathroom and I ask Gracie to go with me. I tell her that I would like a friend to go with me and she will hold my hand and walk me there. About 90% of the time, she'll tell me, once we close the door, that she will go first and then I can go. I never ask if she needs to go and never suggest it. Instead, getting her into the room gives her the choice to decide to use the bathroom or not. It has really worked well when we are at home and it worked great at the Zoo today. Whatever distraction I can make that gets her into the room seems to work. A small victory, but one I can appreciate.
By the way, I am totally aware that no one really cares to read about the poop issues of my children. However, this blog is my way of recording our struggles so that one day, when my memories are dim and I can't recall my name, I can point to this recorded history and say, "Here you go, kiddos!"
Oh, and there is one side benefit to all this struggle. My sisters, especially Auntie Ten Ten, have assured me that this whole struggle is really a bonding experience for Gracie and me. The more we struggle, the more Gracie and I are forming a stronger relationship. And they are right! Gracie has been much more affectionate and slightly clingy (clingy in a good way). For example, she wants me to hold her hand when we walk places. She was my Zoo buddy today, holding my hand and telling me that she loves me a lot. She wants to know where I am and what I am doing. At the same time, she is gaining confidence. She believes in herself and knows she is becoming a big girl.
So, we have hit this little snag, but I'm hoping we've made some progress and have some strategies in place for adapting. I'm hanging in there and I hope Gracie can, too.
Sunday, June 27, 2010
Without Pictures
Every moment with Gracie and Luke requires a camera. My camera, however, is often not to be found. There have been many moments this week I wish I had captured, because they are amazing memories I really do not want to forget.
This week, Gracie started wearing big girl undies at school. She is incredibly cute in them. She loves looking at Hello Kitty and friends. While we are very excited for her, I'm not entirely sure she is ready. She has been a little stressed out, does not like being asked if she needs to go potty, and will not nap (I think she's afraid to have an accident while she's asleep). She especially does not like pooping in the toilet. Frankly, it scares her. She'd much rather go in a diaper or Pull-Up. She has been uncharacteristically on edge this week and I'm a bit worried that we are pushing her too soon. Her teachers seem to think she is definitely ready. I plan to keep an eye on her this week and make a decision about whether or not to continue. The last thing I want is for her to be anxious about wearing panties.
This week also heralded the beginning of my work at Summer School. There have been many late nights and it has made the smiles, hugs, and "I love yous" all the more wonderful. I wish I could be at home with them more and I'm hoping things even out soon. Yesterday, we spent time together, Gracie, Lukie, and I, painting with watercolors. We painted on paper for quite sometime until Lukie decided he wanted a different canvas. "Look at me, Mommy! I painted my toes!" Sure enough, he had used the black and blue water color paint to paint all 10 of his toes. He asked me if I wanted my toes painted too, but I declined. Gracie, however, could not wait for her toes to be painted. Lukie obliged and the two of them ran around the porch giggling and shouting, "Look at my toes!" Again, another moment a camera would have been handy!
Then, there was the day my little boy was a very BIG help to his Daddy. My dresser did not fare well moving from our house to our temporary abode and back. It was from IKEA and as much as I love them, the dresser was not built to withstand all of that moving. Daddy had Tio Joey and Tio Freddy move the dresser out to our car port and Thursday, Lukie and Daddy carefully took it apart. Daddy only had to show Lukie how to use the screwdriver once. After that, he was a pro. He disassembled the dresser drawers and actually lifted the wood up into the trashcan all by himself. When Daddy told me about it, he had such pride in his face. I thought he would burst with it. I wish I had video of Lukie lifting those heavy pieces of wood into the trashcan. He keeps telling me that he is Superman. I suspect this is the only chance I will have to see him in action!
For quite some time now, Gracie and Lukie have been talking up a storm. I have no idea how many words they each can speak, I just know that I can hardly keep up with them. Gracie loves to tell me stories. Some of them are memories of things she's lived and others are completely figments of her imagination. Here's the story she told me the other day on the way to Abue Rosi's house:
"Mommy, I took my puppy for a walk, but he didn't eat the pizza. I told him: 'No puppy, don't eat that pizza.' and then he walked down the street and we said 'hi' to the giraffe, but he didn't eat the pizza either. And we saw the chickens and they tried to walk with us and I said: 'No chickens! No eating the pizza!' Mommy, those chickens are silly. They shouldn't eat pizza! They should eat bread. Can we get some break for the chickens, Mommy?"
I sat in stunned silence listening to that story. I had no idea what to make of it, no idea what is from actual experience and what the heck is totally made up. All I know is that she was very excited about her story and repeated it again. Another time, my camera would have been helpful.
*Sigh.*
I just wish I could remember to bring it in from the car.
This week, Gracie started wearing big girl undies at school. She is incredibly cute in them. She loves looking at Hello Kitty and friends. While we are very excited for her, I'm not entirely sure she is ready. She has been a little stressed out, does not like being asked if she needs to go potty, and will not nap (I think she's afraid to have an accident while she's asleep). She especially does not like pooping in the toilet. Frankly, it scares her. She'd much rather go in a diaper or Pull-Up. She has been uncharacteristically on edge this week and I'm a bit worried that we are pushing her too soon. Her teachers seem to think she is definitely ready. I plan to keep an eye on her this week and make a decision about whether or not to continue. The last thing I want is for her to be anxious about wearing panties.
This week also heralded the beginning of my work at Summer School. There have been many late nights and it has made the smiles, hugs, and "I love yous" all the more wonderful. I wish I could be at home with them more and I'm hoping things even out soon. Yesterday, we spent time together, Gracie, Lukie, and I, painting with watercolors. We painted on paper for quite sometime until Lukie decided he wanted a different canvas. "Look at me, Mommy! I painted my toes!" Sure enough, he had used the black and blue water color paint to paint all 10 of his toes. He asked me if I wanted my toes painted too, but I declined. Gracie, however, could not wait for her toes to be painted. Lukie obliged and the two of them ran around the porch giggling and shouting, "Look at my toes!" Again, another moment a camera would have been handy!
Then, there was the day my little boy was a very BIG help to his Daddy. My dresser did not fare well moving from our house to our temporary abode and back. It was from IKEA and as much as I love them, the dresser was not built to withstand all of that moving. Daddy had Tio Joey and Tio Freddy move the dresser out to our car port and Thursday, Lukie and Daddy carefully took it apart. Daddy only had to show Lukie how to use the screwdriver once. After that, he was a pro. He disassembled the dresser drawers and actually lifted the wood up into the trashcan all by himself. When Daddy told me about it, he had such pride in his face. I thought he would burst with it. I wish I had video of Lukie lifting those heavy pieces of wood into the trashcan. He keeps telling me that he is Superman. I suspect this is the only chance I will have to see him in action!
For quite some time now, Gracie and Lukie have been talking up a storm. I have no idea how many words they each can speak, I just know that I can hardly keep up with them. Gracie loves to tell me stories. Some of them are memories of things she's lived and others are completely figments of her imagination. Here's the story she told me the other day on the way to Abue Rosi's house:
"Mommy, I took my puppy for a walk, but he didn't eat the pizza. I told him: 'No puppy, don't eat that pizza.' and then he walked down the street and we said 'hi' to the giraffe, but he didn't eat the pizza either. And we saw the chickens and they tried to walk with us and I said: 'No chickens! No eating the pizza!' Mommy, those chickens are silly. They shouldn't eat pizza! They should eat bread. Can we get some break for the chickens, Mommy?"
I sat in stunned silence listening to that story. I had no idea what to make of it, no idea what is from actual experience and what the heck is totally made up. All I know is that she was very excited about her story and repeated it again. Another time, my camera would have been helpful.
*Sigh.*
I just wish I could remember to bring it in from the car.
Thursday, June 3, 2010
It was inevitable
I knew this day would come. I can't be on top of Gracie and Luke 24 hours a day.
The good news is that it wasn't the toilet.
Let me explain. Gracie and Luke refuse to take a bath anywhere but in the guest bathroom. They like the big tub and the sliding glass doors. The doors help them hide from us and they love that they can splash and be silly without making a mess.
Last week, the tub stopped draining well. In fact, it took over a half hour to drain last night. Daddy thought perhaps a recent poop episode resulted in a clogged drain. The thought makes me gag a little. So, I tried using Liquid Plumber gel last night and nothing. The water refused to drain. So tonight, we went and bought the Foaming Pipe Snake version of Liquid Plumber and, on Daddy's suggestion, a new plunger.
I used the Liquid Plumber as soon as we got Gracie and Lukie into bed. It had to be poured in and left to sit for an hour. When I came back an hour later, I turned on the hottest possible water and waited for the drain to start, well, draining.
Nothing. Nada. The tub continued to fill with water and would not drain. So, I grabbed the plunger and started plumbing. Suddenly, weird colored stuff started floating in the water: some turquoise stuff I did not recognize, discarded elastics from Gracie's hair, and then...
a small green alligator toy. The water started draining a bit. Success!
And then, something else poked up from the drain. As the water drained a bit more, I was able to put my hand down and pull up: a yellow, plastic, toy fork.
Why was there a toy fork in the bathtub? I suspect we'll never know.
I'm going to remain happy it was not the toilet with the alligator and fork inside. For now.
The good news is that it wasn't the toilet.
Let me explain. Gracie and Luke refuse to take a bath anywhere but in the guest bathroom. They like the big tub and the sliding glass doors. The doors help them hide from us and they love that they can splash and be silly without making a mess.
Last week, the tub stopped draining well. In fact, it took over a half hour to drain last night. Daddy thought perhaps a recent poop episode resulted in a clogged drain. The thought makes me gag a little. So, I tried using Liquid Plumber gel last night and nothing. The water refused to drain. So tonight, we went and bought the Foaming Pipe Snake version of Liquid Plumber and, on Daddy's suggestion, a new plunger.
I used the Liquid Plumber as soon as we got Gracie and Lukie into bed. It had to be poured in and left to sit for an hour. When I came back an hour later, I turned on the hottest possible water and waited for the drain to start, well, draining.
Nothing. Nada. The tub continued to fill with water and would not drain. So, I grabbed the plunger and started plumbing. Suddenly, weird colored stuff started floating in the water: some turquoise stuff I did not recognize, discarded elastics from Gracie's hair, and then...
a small green alligator toy. The water started draining a bit. Success!
And then, something else poked up from the drain. As the water drained a bit more, I was able to put my hand down and pull up: a yellow, plastic, toy fork.
Why was there a toy fork in the bathtub? I suspect we'll never know.
I'm going to remain happy it was not the toilet with the alligator and fork inside. For now.
Wednesday, March 17, 2010
Today's Score: Twinsies 298 - Mommy and Daddy 0
They're winning.
How do I know?
They whine. They cry. They throw themselves on the floor. They run away.
They get what they want. Because it is easier that way.
I don't know how it got like this. We were doing really well. Then, it seemed like overnight our pleasant Twinsies turned into mean talking, hitting, whining, and generally unpleasant 2 year-olds.
Daddy and I have started to sound like the parents we never wanted to be. We yell, we threaten, we use time-out as a punishment instead of a time to step back. Everything is a battle and we are weary.
Just like with everything else in our lives, we know what we are supposed to do, we know what we are supposed to say and yet, we don't. Why is that? John Rosemond, in his book, Making the Terrible Twos Terrific, says that the battle we do now to establish our role as the parents and the Twinsies role as the children will have long lasting effects. In fact, he says that if we don't establish our role as the "alpha dog", if you will, then the Twinsies' teenage years will be the most horrific of experiences. He isn't talking about us beating them down to always do our will because they are scared of us. Rather, he is talking about them doing what we ask, behaving as we ask, because they know it is what they are expected to do.
So, I sit here now, weary, heartsick, and feeling beaten. Why does this have to be such a battle? Why can't they be good listeners? Why can't I find the right words to inspire them to listen to me? Why do I have to fail at every turn?
Because really, they aren't winning. We are all losing.
How do I know?
They whine. They cry. They throw themselves on the floor. They run away.
They get what they want. Because it is easier that way.
I don't know how it got like this. We were doing really well. Then, it seemed like overnight our pleasant Twinsies turned into mean talking, hitting, whining, and generally unpleasant 2 year-olds.
Daddy and I have started to sound like the parents we never wanted to be. We yell, we threaten, we use time-out as a punishment instead of a time to step back. Everything is a battle and we are weary.
Just like with everything else in our lives, we know what we are supposed to do, we know what we are supposed to say and yet, we don't. Why is that? John Rosemond, in his book, Making the Terrible Twos Terrific, says that the battle we do now to establish our role as the parents and the Twinsies role as the children will have long lasting effects. In fact, he says that if we don't establish our role as the "alpha dog", if you will, then the Twinsies' teenage years will be the most horrific of experiences. He isn't talking about us beating them down to always do our will because they are scared of us. Rather, he is talking about them doing what we ask, behaving as we ask, because they know it is what they are expected to do.
So, I sit here now, weary, heartsick, and feeling beaten. Why does this have to be such a battle? Why can't they be good listeners? Why can't I find the right words to inspire them to listen to me? Why do I have to fail at every turn?
Because really, they aren't winning. We are all losing.
Tuesday, December 29, 2009
I never realized candy was so evil
So, forget the fact that my children ask for candy about 50 times a day. Forget the fact that Daddy has convince Gracie and Luke that fruit snacks are candy. Forget the fact that Lukie can find candy hidden in the deepest darkest recesses of our kitchen.
Know this: Candy was created by evil people intent on making crazy maniacs out of nice, normal children. This is truth.
Gracie and Luke have mood swings caused by sleep. Those are nothing compared to the mood swings we experienced today! We had thrown popcorn, torn books, bruises on Gracie's face, water ALL over the bathroom, and more things I care not to remember.
I trace all this back to cookies and the See's Candy box that we opened at Aunt Bec's today. Good Gravy of America! I don't know how they got as much into them as they did, but Gracie and Luke had way too much chocolate and sugar. It's not like I meant for them to eat all of that. I kept snatching away anything they had in their hands, but they kept finding it. They even raided Aunt Bec's pantry and found Hailey's candy. The little Pilferers!
Their behavior and unhappiness made it clear to me that too much sugar is very bad for Twinsies. In the morning, I plan to eradicate the house of all visible candy. Some will be saved for Daddy and low blood sugar, but the rest of it is going!
It's fruit and veggies from here on out!
Know this: Candy was created by evil people intent on making crazy maniacs out of nice, normal children. This is truth.
Gracie and Luke have mood swings caused by sleep. Those are nothing compared to the mood swings we experienced today! We had thrown popcorn, torn books, bruises on Gracie's face, water ALL over the bathroom, and more things I care not to remember.
I trace all this back to cookies and the See's Candy box that we opened at Aunt Bec's today. Good Gravy of America! I don't know how they got as much into them as they did, but Gracie and Luke had way too much chocolate and sugar. It's not like I meant for them to eat all of that. I kept snatching away anything they had in their hands, but they kept finding it. They even raided Aunt Bec's pantry and found Hailey's candy. The little Pilferers!
Their behavior and unhappiness made it clear to me that too much sugar is very bad for Twinsies. In the morning, I plan to eradicate the house of all visible candy. Some will be saved for Daddy and low blood sugar, but the rest of it is going!
It's fruit and veggies from here on out!
Monday, November 23, 2009
Gracie Lu Who - Oh, What to Do?!
Lukie loves to cuddle. He isn't always the best listener, but if you want to get his attention just tell him "Okay, Lukie, bye bye then! I'm not going to play with you if you won't listen. Bye bye!" and walk away. That gets his attention right away.
But Gracie Lu Who is a different story. If you won't let her do something or won't give her something, she'll either get it herself (even though you told her no) or she will pitch a fit of epic proportions. These fits are so epic that I am always sure the police will be knocking on my door any minute thinking she is being ripped from limb to limb! There is no calming her. As long as you continue to say, "No" she will scream, cry, throw herself on the floor, hit you, hang on you, and act as if the world were coming to an end.
She's a challenge. Sometimes I stand there and stare at her as she writhes around on the floor when I take away the box of Goldfish she was dumping all over. I don't get it. I truly don't.
Being two is really hard. I get that. You think you can do so many things and all these big people are telling you:
"No."
"Later."
"Not right now."
"Sorry, kiddo."
It is understandably frustrating to a little kid who is used to the world bending to your ever whim.
So what to do with Gracie Lu Who? Oh, what to do?
Here's my new game plan:
1) When Gracie gets crazy or is a bad listener, I will take her aside and give her a moment to calm down. I'll speak with her calmly or ignore her until she calms down.
2) I'll use the power of distraction. Distracting Gracie sometimes works, so I plan to use it to my advantage.
3) I'll use short, easy to understand sentences to tell her what I expect before we go places. So far, the phrase, "No street" has helped enormously as we exit the house and start to the car. She will repeat it to herself as we walk to the car and will remind Lukie if he passes the car.
4) I will discover what wakes her up at night and do my best to make sure that it doesn't happen any more. The less sleep Who gets, the crazier and worse listener she is.
I'm hoping some of this will help. Frankly, I'm feeling superchallenged by my once 3 lb 7 oz baby girl. Being small seems only to have brought the fighter in her out into the world.
Good gracious! Can you imagine what she will be like as a teenager?
But Gracie Lu Who is a different story. If you won't let her do something or won't give her something, she'll either get it herself (even though you told her no) or she will pitch a fit of epic proportions. These fits are so epic that I am always sure the police will be knocking on my door any minute thinking she is being ripped from limb to limb! There is no calming her. As long as you continue to say, "No" she will scream, cry, throw herself on the floor, hit you, hang on you, and act as if the world were coming to an end.
She's a challenge. Sometimes I stand there and stare at her as she writhes around on the floor when I take away the box of Goldfish she was dumping all over. I don't get it. I truly don't.
Being two is really hard. I get that. You think you can do so many things and all these big people are telling you:
"No."
"Later."
"Not right now."
"Sorry, kiddo."
It is understandably frustrating to a little kid who is used to the world bending to your ever whim.
So what to do with Gracie Lu Who? Oh, what to do?
Here's my new game plan:
1) When Gracie gets crazy or is a bad listener, I will take her aside and give her a moment to calm down. I'll speak with her calmly or ignore her until she calms down.
2) I'll use the power of distraction. Distracting Gracie sometimes works, so I plan to use it to my advantage.
3) I'll use short, easy to understand sentences to tell her what I expect before we go places. So far, the phrase, "No street" has helped enormously as we exit the house and start to the car. She will repeat it to herself as we walk to the car and will remind Lukie if he passes the car.
4) I will discover what wakes her up at night and do my best to make sure that it doesn't happen any more. The less sleep Who gets, the crazier and worse listener she is.
I'm hoping some of this will help. Frankly, I'm feeling superchallenged by my once 3 lb 7 oz baby girl. Being small seems only to have brought the fighter in her out into the world.
Good gracious! Can you imagine what she will be like as a teenager?
Saturday, October 3, 2009
How Do You Do It?
I get asked all the time how we handle/survive with twins.
How we do it is that we imagine the worst possible scenario and plan everything we can to avoid it. If the worst thing is that Lukie will run out into the street, then Lukie gets carried to the car. If the worst thing is that Gracie and Luke will spill their juice all over the living room, then they get water instead or we go outside. If the worst thing is that they will scream and cry and make our meal out a living nightmare, then we go to McDonald's or Panda Express where the food is handed out before we sit down and there is no waiting.
It's all a balancing act. It's a constant assessment and reassessment of our plans and the current landscape. At times, it means we curtail our plans and other times we forge ahead with the full knowledge that we will be reminded in a fantastic way of how stupid we were for that decision.
Case in point: The Los Angeles Zoo
We got our Los Angeles Zoo passes in July. The first time we used them was for Gracie and Luke's birthday on September 5th. Ever since that weekend, I've been itching to take them back. We only saw half of the Zoo for their birthday and they've been asking about the lion repeatedly.
Since Daddy has dialysis on Saturday mornings, I've been hesitant about taking Gracie and Luke to the Zoo by myself. I've asked Nana to go with us (she never called me back), but nothing seems to work out. I've worked through every worst case scenario I can think of prior to today. Here are some of them:
Here are some of the things working against me:
When I saw the tram up ahead, I asked them if they wanted to ride the "Choo-choo." Lukie was so excited that he tried to jump on the wrong side of the tram. Gracie immediately balked. "No choo-choo, Mommy! No choo-choo!" I convinced her that she would be safe on my lap and away we went. In retrospect, we should have ridden the tram all the way around the Zoo to decide what we really wanted to see and then come back around to stop. Instead, Lukie got excited by the sound of the Howler Monkeys and I decided to get us all off.
Lukie and Gracie traipsed happily down the hill and we looked at the rhino, the Howler Monkeys, and the hippo. They were very happy to be free and would hold my hand when I asked them to. We walked to the giraffes, sat down and had some water and a few M&Ms. We talked to the giraffes and Gracie decided the tallest one was the Daddy Giraffe. When it was time to leave the giraffes, it became evident that our lovely trip was about to take a turn for the worse.
Lukie did not want to leave the giraffes and when I picked him up off of the steps he was trying to climb, he insisted that he wanted to be held. Instead, I worked a little Mommy Magic and said, "Who's ready? On your mark, get set, go!" Gracie and Luke took off running and Gracie took a header into the cement walkway. She was fine, but she wanted to be cuddled for a bit, so I carried her. This led to Lukie wanting to be held as well.
I managed to distract them by entering then Red Ape exhibit. There was an enormous orangutan sleeping against the glass. Gracie and Luke were able to walk right up to it and put their fingers "on" him. That occupied us for a few minutes and then Gracie discovered the telescope. She climbed up it by herself and proclaimed, "Mine!"
This did not go over well with Lukie and he immediately started to try to pull her off of the telescope perch. Thus ensued 5 minutes of me trying to distract one twin so that the other could climb and a certain twin taking off down the path while I tried to pry the former off of the telescope perch. I finally caught up with my little angelic girl child and we headed tried to continue our journey to find the lion.
Really. Is it so much to ask to see one lion? Really?
On our way down the hill, Lukie started running again and he took a header into the ground. We wiped off his scrapes, but he wanted to be held and Gracie was no longer willing to hold my hand. This is when things went horribly awry.
As we approached the gorilla exhibit, Lukie was playing wet noodle in an attempt to get me to hold him. Gracie was walking ahead of us. I remember asking them if they wanted to go see the gorillas and as we started to make the right turn into the gorilla maze, my worst fears were realized. Lukie took off in one direction and Gracie took one look at Lukie and me and made a beeline for the gorilla maze. For two seconds, I stood there trying to figure out which one to go after. Both of them are pretty darn cute and easily snatched by some evil doer. But my brain processed that Gracie had entered the gorilla maze and there really wasn't far for her to go. Lukie, on the other hand, had headed toward the side of a building and down a path. I had no idea where he was going and that scared me. So I took off after him.
As I rounded the corner, I realized he was no where in sight. He had completely disappeared. And that is when I noticed that a door was open on the building. As I ran toward it, I realized it was a bathroom. The Men's Bathroom. Lukie was standing right inside the door, the little punk, and after he saw me, he ran completely into the bathroom where I could not see him. Desperate, but not willing to surprise a bunch of men doing their business, I called out to him and then asked if someone could please bring the little boy out. A nice grandpa shooed Lukie out of the bathroom and into my vice-like grip. I thanked him and took off in the direction of where I had seen Gracie last. There she was, pulling herself up on the rail to try to see the gorillas more. I managed to snag her and get us up to the top of the gorilla exhibit.
I'll spare you the details of the next hour. Here's a very short recap:
If I weren't already exhausted from the day, I'd probably pass out from all of that!
Since my adrenaline is completely spent, I can tell you that after reflecting on the day, our next trip will be after their nap and involve the double stroller. That's right, the stroller with the five point harness. I'm not going to avoid the Zoo. That would be cowardly.
It's just that next time, I'm going to remember what I've learned from the past 2 years: Expect the worst and you can avoid the worst.
How we do it is that we imagine the worst possible scenario and plan everything we can to avoid it. If the worst thing is that Lukie will run out into the street, then Lukie gets carried to the car. If the worst thing is that Gracie and Luke will spill their juice all over the living room, then they get water instead or we go outside. If the worst thing is that they will scream and cry and make our meal out a living nightmare, then we go to McDonald's or Panda Express where the food is handed out before we sit down and there is no waiting.
It's all a balancing act. It's a constant assessment and reassessment of our plans and the current landscape. At times, it means we curtail our plans and other times we forge ahead with the full knowledge that we will be reminded in a fantastic way of how stupid we were for that decision.
Case in point: The Los Angeles Zoo
We got our Los Angeles Zoo passes in July. The first time we used them was for Gracie and Luke's birthday on September 5th. Ever since that weekend, I've been itching to take them back. We only saw half of the Zoo for their birthday and they've been asking about the lion repeatedly.
Since Daddy has dialysis on Saturday mornings, I've been hesitant about taking Gracie and Luke to the Zoo by myself. I've asked Nana to go with us (she never called me back), but nothing seems to work out. I've worked through every worst case scenario I can think of prior to today. Here are some of them:
- Lukie and Gracie running in different directions and I don't know who to go after first.
- Lukie or Gracie climbing on a fence and falling into the bear or rhinoceros pit.
- Lukie or Gracie pitching a fit of epic proportions and me having to carry one or both of them out of the Zoo.
- Losing one of them.
- Lukie or Gracie running into an unlabelled door that turns out to be the entrance to the tiger exhibit.
- Leaving quickly because I can't handle this all on my own.
Here are some of the things working against me:
- The Zoo doesn't open until 10 am and we did not arrive until 10:45 am. This is 1 hour and 15 minutes before Gracie and Luke's nap.
- The weather was beautiful and there were triple the number of people there today as compared to their birthday trip to the Zoo.
- I made the fatal error of choosing not to take the stroller in with us.
- Despite their love of looking at trains, neither Gracie or Luke was happy with the tram.
When I saw the tram up ahead, I asked them if they wanted to ride the "Choo-choo." Lukie was so excited that he tried to jump on the wrong side of the tram. Gracie immediately balked. "No choo-choo, Mommy! No choo-choo!" I convinced her that she would be safe on my lap and away we went. In retrospect, we should have ridden the tram all the way around the Zoo to decide what we really wanted to see and then come back around to stop. Instead, Lukie got excited by the sound of the Howler Monkeys and I decided to get us all off.
Lukie and Gracie traipsed happily down the hill and we looked at the rhino, the Howler Monkeys, and the hippo. They were very happy to be free and would hold my hand when I asked them to. We walked to the giraffes, sat down and had some water and a few M&Ms. We talked to the giraffes and Gracie decided the tallest one was the Daddy Giraffe. When it was time to leave the giraffes, it became evident that our lovely trip was about to take a turn for the worse.
Lukie did not want to leave the giraffes and when I picked him up off of the steps he was trying to climb, he insisted that he wanted to be held. Instead, I worked a little Mommy Magic and said, "Who's ready? On your mark, get set, go!" Gracie and Luke took off running and Gracie took a header into the cement walkway. She was fine, but she wanted to be cuddled for a bit, so I carried her. This led to Lukie wanting to be held as well.
I managed to distract them by entering then Red Ape exhibit. There was an enormous orangutan sleeping against the glass. Gracie and Luke were able to walk right up to it and put their fingers "on" him. That occupied us for a few minutes and then Gracie discovered the telescope. She climbed up it by herself and proclaimed, "Mine!"
This did not go over well with Lukie and he immediately started to try to pull her off of the telescope perch. Thus ensued 5 minutes of me trying to distract one twin so that the other could climb and a certain twin taking off down the path while I tried to pry the former off of the telescope perch. I finally caught up with my little angelic girl child and we headed tried to continue our journey to find the lion.
Really. Is it so much to ask to see one lion? Really?
On our way down the hill, Lukie started running again and he took a header into the ground. We wiped off his scrapes, but he wanted to be held and Gracie was no longer willing to hold my hand. This is when things went horribly awry.
As we approached the gorilla exhibit, Lukie was playing wet noodle in an attempt to get me to hold him. Gracie was walking ahead of us. I remember asking them if they wanted to go see the gorillas and as we started to make the right turn into the gorilla maze, my worst fears were realized. Lukie took off in one direction and Gracie took one look at Lukie and me and made a beeline for the gorilla maze. For two seconds, I stood there trying to figure out which one to go after. Both of them are pretty darn cute and easily snatched by some evil doer. But my brain processed that Gracie had entered the gorilla maze and there really wasn't far for her to go. Lukie, on the other hand, had headed toward the side of a building and down a path. I had no idea where he was going and that scared me. So I took off after him.
As I rounded the corner, I realized he was no where in sight. He had completely disappeared. And that is when I noticed that a door was open on the building. As I ran toward it, I realized it was a bathroom. The Men's Bathroom. Lukie was standing right inside the door, the little punk, and after he saw me, he ran completely into the bathroom where I could not see him. Desperate, but not willing to surprise a bunch of men doing their business, I called out to him and then asked if someone could please bring the little boy out. A nice grandpa shooed Lukie out of the bathroom and into my vice-like grip. I thanked him and took off in the direction of where I had seen Gracie last. There she was, pulling herself up on the rail to try to see the gorillas more. I managed to snag her and get us up to the top of the gorilla exhibit.
I'll spare you the details of the next hour. Here's a very short recap:
- Crying, wet-noodling by both twins
- An attempt to buy a snack turns into "Wrestle one kid to stay by my legs while trying to pay while the other takes off and completely leaves my sight"
- Half a tub of popcorn is consumed and a fight begins over the one drink Mommy (stupidly buying one) purchased.
- It takes us 40 minutes to get to the shopping area of the Zoo (a walk which would normally take about 10 minutes)
- Gracie attempts to 1) assume the role of a Zoo employee by running behind the cashier's counter in a store and 2) get me arrested for child abuse when she begins screaming at the top of her lungs and pulling her arm away from me so hard I was afraid it would pull out of the socket.
- 5 blissful minutes are spent watching the seal again until we have to go and Lukie starts the Epic Tantrum of All Tantrums (just picture the absolute worst tantrum ever, add running away from me in a zigzag pattern and attempting to hide from me while running through 5 other families, then almost running into the street and you'll get a great picture in your head)
- I am forced to let them walk in the parking lot because my arms will no longer carry them.
- Lukie tries to run in front of a car.
- Gracie tries to lock me out of the car.
- They are both asleep before we get on the freeway.
If I weren't already exhausted from the day, I'd probably pass out from all of that!
Since my adrenaline is completely spent, I can tell you that after reflecting on the day, our next trip will be after their nap and involve the double stroller. That's right, the stroller with the five point harness. I'm not going to avoid the Zoo. That would be cowardly.
It's just that next time, I'm going to remember what I've learned from the past 2 years: Expect the worst and you can avoid the worst.
Tuesday, September 22, 2009
Empathy
At 2 years old, you'd think Gracie and Luke would be all about themselves. For the most part, they are, but when it comes to someone getting hurt or sad, Gracie and Luke are among the first on the scene to offer help, hugs, and love.
Gracie is a back-patter. She'll pat your back and say, "It's okay, Momma! It's okay!" She'll offer kisses and hugs or whatever is needed to make you feel better.
Lukie is a little different. He will cock his head to one side and say, "Okay, Momma? Okay?" and if you don't respond right away, he'll say it for you: "Okay, Momma, okay." He may pat your back or your cheek. He'll hold your hand until you feel better.
They are quick to comfort the people they love and, when they see a friend in need, will approach them if they feel safe. When they don't, they'll hold my hand and make mewling sounds in sympathy.
Tonight, we watched the movie Dumbo for the first time. They were facinated by all of the elephants and the other animals. They were very excited and told us the names of the animals they saw:
"Momma, elephant!"
"Papa, 'ook! 'raffe!" (Giraffe)
They were a little nervous of the lightening in the beginning, but it did not bother them too much.
Cut to the scene when Dumbo's Mommy holds him through the bars of her cage and rocks him in her trunk. I was in tears listening to Baby Mine and thinking about how incredibly awful I would feel if I were kept from my babies. I wasn't facing Gracie at the time, but all of a sudden, I heard a cry and looked over at her. My baby girl was sitting on the couch, clutching her blanket, tears streaming down her face, crying for a little baby elephant who cold not be with his Mommy. I went over to her an picked her up gently, as she was very upset. I took her to my chair and rocked her. It took a lot of reassuring, but eventually, I convinced Gracie that the Mommy (Mrs. Jumbo) would get out soon and that she and Dumbo would be able to play together soon.
While she stopped crying, Gracie did not leave my lap for the rest of the movie. I was stunned at how much my little girl gleaned from watching a movie. There was nothing scary about the scene, but for a little girl and boy who have spent months away from their Daddy and had to leave him in the hospital, it clearly touched her.
The experts say that toddlers don't begin to empathize until closer to 3. Maybe Gracie and Luke are experiencing empathy earlier because of the events of the past year. I don't know which is the case. I just know that my little girl cried for a baby elephant tonight because he could not be with his Mommy.
And it made me very proud to be her Mommy.
Gracie is a back-patter. She'll pat your back and say, "It's okay, Momma! It's okay!" She'll offer kisses and hugs or whatever is needed to make you feel better.
Lukie is a little different. He will cock his head to one side and say, "Okay, Momma? Okay?" and if you don't respond right away, he'll say it for you: "Okay, Momma, okay." He may pat your back or your cheek. He'll hold your hand until you feel better.
They are quick to comfort the people they love and, when they see a friend in need, will approach them if they feel safe. When they don't, they'll hold my hand and make mewling sounds in sympathy.
Tonight, we watched the movie Dumbo for the first time. They were facinated by all of the elephants and the other animals. They were very excited and told us the names of the animals they saw:
"Momma, elephant!"
"Papa, 'ook! 'raffe!" (Giraffe)
They were a little nervous of the lightening in the beginning, but it did not bother them too much.
Cut to the scene when Dumbo's Mommy holds him through the bars of her cage and rocks him in her trunk. I was in tears listening to Baby Mine and thinking about how incredibly awful I would feel if I were kept from my babies. I wasn't facing Gracie at the time, but all of a sudden, I heard a cry and looked over at her. My baby girl was sitting on the couch, clutching her blanket, tears streaming down her face, crying for a little baby elephant who cold not be with his Mommy. I went over to her an picked her up gently, as she was very upset. I took her to my chair and rocked her. It took a lot of reassuring, but eventually, I convinced Gracie that the Mommy (Mrs. Jumbo) would get out soon and that she and Dumbo would be able to play together soon.
While she stopped crying, Gracie did not leave my lap for the rest of the movie. I was stunned at how much my little girl gleaned from watching a movie. There was nothing scary about the scene, but for a little girl and boy who have spent months away from their Daddy and had to leave him in the hospital, it clearly touched her.
The experts say that toddlers don't begin to empathize until closer to 3. Maybe Gracie and Luke are experiencing empathy earlier because of the events of the past year. I don't know which is the case. I just know that my little girl cried for a baby elephant tonight because he could not be with his Mommy.
And it made me very proud to be her Mommy.
Saturday, August 15, 2009
Definitely for the Bad Parents Files
From the beginning of time, adults have used the fact that they know more about things to manipulate children. It is easy to convince children of things if they don't have a clue about reality. For example,
"Oh, no, Gracie, we can't go see the cows. They're sleeping."
"Oh, no, Lukie, don't go over there! There's poo-poo! Look out!" (Of course, there's no poop anywhere.)
"Oh, no! Gracie, come here fast! There's a spider right there!"
There must be a special place for parents who use this kind of manipulation on their children. A special place in a very hot environment.
Usually, these things are pretty harmless. However, when you start using your children's fears against them, that's plain mean. Take, for example, my son's sudden unreasonable fear of the pool vacuum at Aunt Bec's house. At first, he really didn't know what it was, but was just a little worried because it was so close to us. I made the mistake of giving it a name. "Oh, Lukie, don't worry! That's just the Nu Nu! Nu Nus only eat dirt and rocks, not little boys."
Um. Yeah. Do you see where this is going?
Giving a name to an object, especially a name that your almost 2 year-old can actually say, is just not the smartest thing to do in the world. Now, when Lukie sees the vacuum coming, heck, even if it isn't coming toward us, he starts yelling, "Nu Nu! Nu Nu!" He grabs hold of me tightly and will not let go. Sadly, if he even sees the Nu Nu in the water, he won't get in. He is absolutely terrified of the thing. It makes pool time less than fun.
Lukie's terror of the Nu Nu is a very dangerous thing. He is so afraid of it that he thinks it exists outside of the pool. He sees any large machine that makes a big sound (and does not resemble a truck) and will run straight for me shouting, "Nu Nu!" His terror of the Nu Nu is also very tempting.
You see, when Lukie won't come to me, all I have to say is "Lukie! Oh, no! It's the Nu Nu! Come here! Fast!" and whoosh! He's right next to me, eyes searching the horizon for the Nu Nu. When he throws rocks at our air conditioner out back, "Lukie! Oh, no! That's the Nu Nu! It's going to get you! Come on! Mommy will protect you!"
See? There's a special place in that very hot locale waiting for me. Well, it's waiting for Daddy and me because he is just as guilty as I am.
I'll admit. The Nu Nu got me thinking. What if I told Gracie and Luke there was chicken in their teeth and they needed my help brushing to get it out? I could tell them there were crackers and ice cream and apples in their teeth and I might actually get to brush their teeth without a fight. So, I tried it.
And it worked.
Lukie now walks around saying, "Teeth! Ucken, Momma. Ucken. Crackas. Teeth, Momma!"
Great. Now he's obsessed with his teeth.
Like I said, a special place down south waiting for us.
"Oh, no, Gracie, we can't go see the cows. They're sleeping."
"Oh, no, Lukie, don't go over there! There's poo-poo! Look out!" (Of course, there's no poop anywhere.)
"Oh, no! Gracie, come here fast! There's a spider right there!"
There must be a special place for parents who use this kind of manipulation on their children. A special place in a very hot environment.
Usually, these things are pretty harmless. However, when you start using your children's fears against them, that's plain mean. Take, for example, my son's sudden unreasonable fear of the pool vacuum at Aunt Bec's house. At first, he really didn't know what it was, but was just a little worried because it was so close to us. I made the mistake of giving it a name. "Oh, Lukie, don't worry! That's just the Nu Nu! Nu Nus only eat dirt and rocks, not little boys."
Um. Yeah. Do you see where this is going?Giving a name to an object, especially a name that your almost 2 year-old can actually say, is just not the smartest thing to do in the world. Now, when Lukie sees the vacuum coming, heck, even if it isn't coming toward us, he starts yelling, "Nu Nu! Nu Nu!" He grabs hold of me tightly and will not let go. Sadly, if he even sees the Nu Nu in the water, he won't get in. He is absolutely terrified of the thing. It makes pool time less than fun.
Lukie's terror of the Nu Nu is a very dangerous thing. He is so afraid of it that he thinks it exists outside of the pool. He sees any large machine that makes a big sound (and does not resemble a truck) and will run straight for me shouting, "Nu Nu!" His terror of the Nu Nu is also very tempting.
You see, when Lukie won't come to me, all I have to say is "Lukie! Oh, no! It's the Nu Nu! Come here! Fast!" and whoosh! He's right next to me, eyes searching the horizon for the Nu Nu. When he throws rocks at our air conditioner out back, "Lukie! Oh, no! That's the Nu Nu! It's going to get you! Come on! Mommy will protect you!"
See? There's a special place in that very hot locale waiting for me. Well, it's waiting for Daddy and me because he is just as guilty as I am.
I'll admit. The Nu Nu got me thinking. What if I told Gracie and Luke there was chicken in their teeth and they needed my help brushing to get it out? I could tell them there were crackers and ice cream and apples in their teeth and I might actually get to brush their teeth without a fight. So, I tried it.
And it worked.
Lukie now walks around saying, "Teeth! Ucken, Momma. Ucken. Crackas. Teeth, Momma!"
Great. Now he's obsessed with his teeth.
Like I said, a special place down south waiting for us.
Thursday, July 30, 2009
Stay at home moms RULE (or why I can't hang)
When I was little, I always imagined that when I had children, I would stay at home with them while my husband went to work. Our days would be idyllic and when my husband came home, he would strip off his tie and say, "What's for dinner, honey?" I'd have something amazing ready for him, something with beef. Maybe a pot roast. Or lamb chops. I'm not really sure. It had meat, though. And potatoes. There may have been cake. I'm not certain. That was a long time ago.
Back then, I had Caroline Ingalls as my role model. She always had dinner ready for Pa, so I figured I'd be like her. Imagine my surprise when I realized that was Hollywood and, in many cases, the mommies are the ones who work while the daddies stay at home! I never thought I would be the working Mommy and even up until Gracie and Luke were born, I held out hope that Daddy would find some miraculous career so that I could be at home with them. I would take them places, read to them, fix them yummy and healthy foods. They would do what I said all of the time and it would be Bliss!
I am dumbfounded to report that staying at home with Gracie and Luke is far from bliss. Instead, I've discovered that about once every five minutes, I'm ready to lock myself in the bathroom and cry. We don't go anywhere because neither Gracie nor Luke listen to me when we are out and about. They like to take off and keep going when I am screaming at them to stop. They are terrible listeners unless they are locked in a shopping cart and shopping is no fun (Seriously, Aunt Bec. It isn't.). I read to them sometimes, but they usually end up saying, "All done!" and start throwing toys or having a pillow fight. That, of course, is fun until someone gets hurt. The yummy and healthy foods? Well, they get milk, yogurt, bread, fruits, and green beans. But they get equal doses of crackers, Yogos, fruit snacks, and juice. They simply won't eat the food I put in front of them. More often than not, my offerings are flung at me, at the wall, at each other, or used as paint for their tables.
All of this is wearing me down. It has only been a week since day care ended for them and I'm in a constant state of wanting to run away. How do you stay at home moms do this? Some of my friends have twins the same age as Gracie and Luke and they manage to do fun field trips with fun themed weeks and fun art projects. My son ate the crayons today when I took them outside to color and when I told him that crayons were not for eating, he chucked the crayons out into the street! If I tried to do themed weeks, they would revolt! All they care about right now is cows, elephants and "Bahney." These are three words I hear no less than 100 million times a day.
So, what to do? My blissful existence is turning out to be totally less than blissful. My Twinsies refuse to do anything I tell them to and gleefully do everything I tell them not to. If I have to say "No throwing food!" one more time, I think I'll cry!
I realize I am in a critical time right now and my Making the Terrible Twos Terrific book is only making me crazier. The author is brilliant and wise. He also made me see how I am failing at this. I don't want the evil children who hit and whine and cry and throw things and run into the street. I don't! I also don't want to be the mom who only has the word "No!" as her entire vocabulary.
So, if you are a brilliant mom, one who can give me some insight and ways to keep myself from going batty, bring it on! I sense I only have a few more days left in me.
Have I mentioned we are going on a trip? In the car? Driving hundreds of miles? With almost two year olds?
I think it is time to hide in the bathroom again.
Back then, I had Caroline Ingalls as my role model. She always had dinner ready for Pa, so I figured I'd be like her. Imagine my surprise when I realized that was Hollywood and, in many cases, the mommies are the ones who work while the daddies stay at home! I never thought I would be the working Mommy and even up until Gracie and Luke were born, I held out hope that Daddy would find some miraculous career so that I could be at home with them. I would take them places, read to them, fix them yummy and healthy foods. They would do what I said all of the time and it would be Bliss!
I am dumbfounded to report that staying at home with Gracie and Luke is far from bliss. Instead, I've discovered that about once every five minutes, I'm ready to lock myself in the bathroom and cry. We don't go anywhere because neither Gracie nor Luke listen to me when we are out and about. They like to take off and keep going when I am screaming at them to stop. They are terrible listeners unless they are locked in a shopping cart and shopping is no fun (Seriously, Aunt Bec. It isn't.). I read to them sometimes, but they usually end up saying, "All done!" and start throwing toys or having a pillow fight. That, of course, is fun until someone gets hurt. The yummy and healthy foods? Well, they get milk, yogurt, bread, fruits, and green beans. But they get equal doses of crackers, Yogos, fruit snacks, and juice. They simply won't eat the food I put in front of them. More often than not, my offerings are flung at me, at the wall, at each other, or used as paint for their tables.
All of this is wearing me down. It has only been a week since day care ended for them and I'm in a constant state of wanting to run away. How do you stay at home moms do this? Some of my friends have twins the same age as Gracie and Luke and they manage to do fun field trips with fun themed weeks and fun art projects. My son ate the crayons today when I took them outside to color and when I told him that crayons were not for eating, he chucked the crayons out into the street! If I tried to do themed weeks, they would revolt! All they care about right now is cows, elephants and "Bahney." These are three words I hear no less than 100 million times a day.
So, what to do? My blissful existence is turning out to be totally less than blissful. My Twinsies refuse to do anything I tell them to and gleefully do everything I tell them not to. If I have to say "No throwing food!" one more time, I think I'll cry!
I realize I am in a critical time right now and my Making the Terrible Twos Terrific book is only making me crazier. The author is brilliant and wise. He also made me see how I am failing at this. I don't want the evil children who hit and whine and cry and throw things and run into the street. I don't! I also don't want to be the mom who only has the word "No!" as her entire vocabulary.
So, if you are a brilliant mom, one who can give me some insight and ways to keep myself from going batty, bring it on! I sense I only have a few more days left in me.
Have I mentioned we are going on a trip? In the car? Driving hundreds of miles? With almost two year olds?
I think it is time to hide in the bathroom again.
Wednesday, June 24, 2009
Biting
I work with preteen and teenage girls. For the most part, they are happy, silly, fun creatures. I love how smart they are and how they attack problems head on. It is truly inspiring.
The downside is that I also get to see what happens when things go awry. The thing that frightens me most is when they hurt themselves in order to relieve stress or calm themselves. You've seen it on the news: cutting. Some girls who are in extreme circumstances cut themselves to relieve the stress or anxiety they experience. It is truly frightening to me that girls would do this.
After the day care teacher talked with us about Gracie and Luke's stress levels, I started paying closer and closer attention to their behavior. In the last 2 weeks, a disturbing trend has developed. Gracie gets very frustrated and may hit or bite Luke. If one of us sees her and stops her from hurting him, she immediately bites her own hand or arm. In the beginning, she never left a mark. In the last few days, though, this has changed. Yesterday, she bit herself so hard that she broke the skin.
At first, I responded to this by grabbing her and saying, "No, Gracie! That hurts! Don't hurt yourself!" Which usually resulted in her biting herself again or trying to hit me. She was clearly frustrated and upset, but did not know how to let it out. As the behavior escalated and she started to bite and hit herself, I started to get more and more worried. I did some research on the internet and read some opinions that the biting might be for attention. The more I give her attention for biting herself, the more she does it. They suggested redirection or picking her up, holding her in a bear hug, and saying, "Gracie, I'm not going to let you hurt yourself. Mommy loves you," and then taking her to read a book together or something else.
Last night, she hit and bit Luke very hard. She broke the skin on his back through his shirt. When I picked him up to console him and told her that wasn't nice, she immediately made a fierce face and bit her own arm. I put Luke down and held her with her arms at her sides. "Gracie, I'm not going to let you hurt yourself. Biting hurts. Mommy loves you. How can I help you feel better?"
She struggled a bit, but I was able to grab a book nearby and redirect her attention to the book. We were awkwardly sitting in the hallway, but Luke joined us and we were able to enjoy the book with no further fallout.
This biting thing has me on edge. I realize it may just be a phase, but I can't help but think about those teenage girls cutting themselves. Did they bite themselves as toddlers? Is Gracie's behavior a sign of something to come?
I don't know and it's scaring me.
The downside is that I also get to see what happens when things go awry. The thing that frightens me most is when they hurt themselves in order to relieve stress or calm themselves. You've seen it on the news: cutting. Some girls who are in extreme circumstances cut themselves to relieve the stress or anxiety they experience. It is truly frightening to me that girls would do this.
After the day care teacher talked with us about Gracie and Luke's stress levels, I started paying closer and closer attention to their behavior. In the last 2 weeks, a disturbing trend has developed. Gracie gets very frustrated and may hit or bite Luke. If one of us sees her and stops her from hurting him, she immediately bites her own hand or arm. In the beginning, she never left a mark. In the last few days, though, this has changed. Yesterday, she bit herself so hard that she broke the skin.
At first, I responded to this by grabbing her and saying, "No, Gracie! That hurts! Don't hurt yourself!" Which usually resulted in her biting herself again or trying to hit me. She was clearly frustrated and upset, but did not know how to let it out. As the behavior escalated and she started to bite and hit herself, I started to get more and more worried. I did some research on the internet and read some opinions that the biting might be for attention. The more I give her attention for biting herself, the more she does it. They suggested redirection or picking her up, holding her in a bear hug, and saying, "Gracie, I'm not going to let you hurt yourself. Mommy loves you," and then taking her to read a book together or something else.
Last night, she hit and bit Luke very hard. She broke the skin on his back through his shirt. When I picked him up to console him and told her that wasn't nice, she immediately made a fierce face and bit her own arm. I put Luke down and held her with her arms at her sides. "Gracie, I'm not going to let you hurt yourself. Biting hurts. Mommy loves you. How can I help you feel better?"
She struggled a bit, but I was able to grab a book nearby and redirect her attention to the book. We were awkwardly sitting in the hallway, but Luke joined us and we were able to enjoy the book with no further fallout.
This biting thing has me on edge. I realize it may just be a phase, but I can't help but think about those teenage girls cutting themselves. Did they bite themselves as toddlers? Is Gracie's behavior a sign of something to come?
I don't know and it's scaring me.
Tuesday, May 5, 2009
20 Months Old - The Countdown to 2 Begins
Are you kidding me? Twenty months old? We're, like, on the downhill slide toward 2 years old!
Torture me a little more, why don't you?
This month, my Little Gracie-Lu-Who, you have developed quite the attitude. In fact, if I had not been present at your birth, I might be inclined to think you were actually in 7th grade and about to celebrate your 13th birthday! The phrase "Nnnnnnnnnnn-No!" is your favorite one. You have developed into such a drama queen that I must make sure I have 3 feet between me and any surrounding furniture when you are in my arms.
You have become quite the fashionista. You like to try on shoes, hats, and any pjs with kitties on them. You have a definite opinion about what I am about to put on you and if it is something you don't like, I am in trouble. You can still fall asleep with a snugly blanket and a warm body next to you. You think that bubbles are AMAZING and the tub is your pool. You love books with a passion and can sit for 30 minutes just looking at pictures and pointing at things.
The most amazing thing you've done this month: you pointed at a picture of an ice cream sundae and said, "ice cream" quite clearly!
Ah, my Little Lukie-Lou. What a crazy month it has been with you! I don't know what you are going through, my little man, but something has you very unhappy. You want me to hold you all the time. If I don't, you grab at any part of me you can hold onto and I drag you along with me. You can fake cry: yes, I know you are faking it. Surprisingly, you have not yet figured out that the key component of the fake cry is the tears. You, like Gracie, love books, bubbles, baths, "swimming" in the tub. Your words are quickly catching up with Gracie's and it makes me very happy to watch you two talk.
Your hemangioma appears to have plateaued in its growth. There are days when it looks like you don't even have one, but later in the day, your nose will swell a bit. I'm hoping that these are the signs that it might be resolving itself sooner rather than later.
Together, the two of you are obsessed with buses and trucks. Our morning drives to Abue's house are filled with: "Ooooo! uck!" Barney is the best thing since sliced bread. Any tantrum can be solved with "Barney is a dinosaur from our imagination...." I have a season pass for Barney and make sure to keep 5 episodes minimum on the DVR. You fight over the Barney books and the books with lift the flaps or other hidey holes.
You don't eat as much as you used to. Instead, you seem to eat only when you are absolutely hungry. Well, except when Abue Juve shares a Popsicle with you! Those you will eat whenever they are presented. You love Grandma's rice and anyone's chicken. You don't like pasta or anything with sauce on it. You like to eat with Tio Martin or on my lap. Of course, you also like to eat on the go!
The best thing about you both is the absolute excitement and joy you show about everything you do. Your hugs break my heart every time, every hug feels like the first one ever! You are friendly and loving to everyone (unless they steal a toy or retrieve one you stole from them - then, it is on!).
In 4 short months, you are going to turn 2 years old. I'm speechless. I guess I'm just going to have to play with you more, enjoy you more, love you more so that I live every single second with you to its fullest.
So, my little ones, keep the good times coming!
Torture me a little more, why don't you?
This month, my Little Gracie-Lu-Who, you have developed quite the attitude. In fact, if I had not been present at your birth, I might be inclined to think you were actually in 7th grade and about to celebrate your 13th birthday! The phrase "Nnnnnnnnnnn-No!" is your favorite one. You have developed into such a drama queen that I must make sure I have 3 feet between me and any surrounding furniture when you are in my arms.
You have become quite the fashionista. You like to try on shoes, hats, and any pjs with kitties on them. You have a definite opinion about what I am about to put on you and if it is something you don't like, I am in trouble. You can still fall asleep with a snugly blanket and a warm body next to you. You think that bubbles are AMAZING and the tub is your pool. You love books with a passion and can sit for 30 minutes just looking at pictures and pointing at things.
The most amazing thing you've done this month: you pointed at a picture of an ice cream sundae and said, "ice cream" quite clearly!
Ah, my Little Lukie-Lou. What a crazy month it has been with you! I don't know what you are going through, my little man, but something has you very unhappy. You want me to hold you all the time. If I don't, you grab at any part of me you can hold onto and I drag you along with me. You can fake cry: yes, I know you are faking it. Surprisingly, you have not yet figured out that the key component of the fake cry is the tears. You, like Gracie, love books, bubbles, baths, "swimming" in the tub. Your words are quickly catching up with Gracie's and it makes me very happy to watch you two talk.
Your hemangioma appears to have plateaued in its growth. There are days when it looks like you don't even have one, but later in the day, your nose will swell a bit. I'm hoping that these are the signs that it might be resolving itself sooner rather than later.
Together, the two of you are obsessed with buses and trucks. Our morning drives to Abue's house are filled with: "Ooooo! uck!" Barney is the best thing since sliced bread. Any tantrum can be solved with "Barney is a dinosaur from our imagination...." I have a season pass for Barney and make sure to keep 5 episodes minimum on the DVR. You fight over the Barney books and the books with lift the flaps or other hidey holes.
You don't eat as much as you used to. Instead, you seem to eat only when you are absolutely hungry. Well, except when Abue Juve shares a Popsicle with you! Those you will eat whenever they are presented. You love Grandma's rice and anyone's chicken. You don't like pasta or anything with sauce on it. You like to eat with Tio Martin or on my lap. Of course, you also like to eat on the go!
The best thing about you both is the absolute excitement and joy you show about everything you do. Your hugs break my heart every time, every hug feels like the first one ever! You are friendly and loving to everyone (unless they steal a toy or retrieve one you stole from them - then, it is on!).
In 4 short months, you are going to turn 2 years old. I'm speechless. I guess I'm just going to have to play with you more, enjoy you more, love you more so that I live every single second with you to its fullest.
So, my little ones, keep the good times coming!
Saturday, April 25, 2009
Don't kid yourself. Sleep is important.
There are some children on this planet who purportedly do not have any problem taking a nap. These same mythical children can survive on little sleep and still behave as angels.
My children do not fall in this category of beings. Oh, no. They are nap-requiring, fussy-when-tired, crazy-when-exhausted, toy-throwing, food-throwing, Mommy-and-sibling-biting children. In essence, your typical almost 20 month old.
On Friday, the day care lady asked me if Gracie had been going to sleep earlier than usual. This is impossible because of her brother, but she was getting tired much earlier. Apparently, her nap time has been out of whack this week and she has hardly been sleeping. Well, no wonder! That explains some of the craziness we have had this week. This morning, she was up at 5 am and taking a hard nap by 9 am. She was out for almost 2 hours.
Luke, on the other hand, was not going to take a nap this morning, no matter what! I tried cuddling with him, giving him his binky, everything, and nothing...no nap. I managed to fall asleep (a total accident, but to be expected when you are up chasing twins at 5 am) and Luke played quietly around me. When he woke me about 20 minutes after I dozed off, I found that he had scaled the kitchen table and dumped all my papers to the floor in an effort to get to the fruit snacks. I also discovered that he had somehow unscrewed the cap on the jumbo bubble container, pulled off the heretofore untouched seal, and pulled out the massive bubble wand. All, I might add, without knocking over the container or spilling any bubble solution. When I discovered this, I had a moment of panic, but then Lukie walked over to me and handed me the bubble wand. He just wanted some bubbles!
These days, when they will not nap like they are used to, are very difficult. They don't want any of the food I make them, they don't want to play nicely, they don't want to do much of anything except all the things I don't want them to do. Add to this Luke throwing up his lunch because he was coughing too hard and you have a pretty fantastically awful day. It is days like today that I am reminded how critical their proper sleep is. When they have their naps, their full night of sleep, they are kinder, gentler Twinsies. They don't throw things nearly as often and I am much less likely to have an imprint of toddler teeth on my outer thigh.
Now, the mommies out there who have my category of toddlers are reading this and nodding in agreement. They know how awful this can be. They've had the days when they would like wine before 10:30 am or would love to have a padded room where they can leave their children for 15 minutes of peace and quiet (or maybe the padded room is really the haven they would like to seach refuge in - to each her own). The mommies of the "perfect" sleepers and non-sleepers are shaking their heads at me right now. "Clearly, Gracie and Luke's Mommy just doesn't have proper discipline of her children. If that were me, my Little Perfect Angel Jim-Bob would know I mean business!"
Seriously, those perfect mommies can take a flying leap! I want a day of peace and quiet. A day when Twinsies take their predictable nap at the predictable time. A day when I can take a shower and not feel like everyone is looking at me and wondering why I look like death warmed over. A day when my children eat the food I put in front of them and signal me when they are all done instead of chucking their apples, french toast, tangerines, etc. across the room to be found weeks later behind the television.
There is something like a month and a half left until summer vacation. I'm wondering if we will be able to have a better schedule then. Oooo! Maybe we will be back in our house so that I will indeed have that padded room for their playing pleasure instead of a teensy one bedroom apartment with no privacy and leaking bathtubs and cockroaches (yes, I found one the other day trying to crawl into our apartment).
Hey, a girl can dream!
My children do not fall in this category of beings. Oh, no. They are nap-requiring, fussy-when-tired, crazy-when-exhausted, toy-throwing, food-throwing, Mommy-and-sibling-biting children. In essence, your typical almost 20 month old.
On Friday, the day care lady asked me if Gracie had been going to sleep earlier than usual. This is impossible because of her brother, but she was getting tired much earlier. Apparently, her nap time has been out of whack this week and she has hardly been sleeping. Well, no wonder! That explains some of the craziness we have had this week. This morning, she was up at 5 am and taking a hard nap by 9 am. She was out for almost 2 hours.
Luke, on the other hand, was not going to take a nap this morning, no matter what! I tried cuddling with him, giving him his binky, everything, and nothing...no nap. I managed to fall asleep (a total accident, but to be expected when you are up chasing twins at 5 am) and Luke played quietly around me. When he woke me about 20 minutes after I dozed off, I found that he had scaled the kitchen table and dumped all my papers to the floor in an effort to get to the fruit snacks. I also discovered that he had somehow unscrewed the cap on the jumbo bubble container, pulled off the heretofore untouched seal, and pulled out the massive bubble wand. All, I might add, without knocking over the container or spilling any bubble solution. When I discovered this, I had a moment of panic, but then Lukie walked over to me and handed me the bubble wand. He just wanted some bubbles!
These days, when they will not nap like they are used to, are very difficult. They don't want any of the food I make them, they don't want to play nicely, they don't want to do much of anything except all the things I don't want them to do. Add to this Luke throwing up his lunch because he was coughing too hard and you have a pretty fantastically awful day. It is days like today that I am reminded how critical their proper sleep is. When they have their naps, their full night of sleep, they are kinder, gentler Twinsies. They don't throw things nearly as often and I am much less likely to have an imprint of toddler teeth on my outer thigh.
Now, the mommies out there who have my category of toddlers are reading this and nodding in agreement. They know how awful this can be. They've had the days when they would like wine before 10:30 am or would love to have a padded room where they can leave their children for 15 minutes of peace and quiet (or maybe the padded room is really the haven they would like to seach refuge in - to each her own). The mommies of the "perfect" sleepers and non-sleepers are shaking their heads at me right now. "Clearly, Gracie and Luke's Mommy just doesn't have proper discipline of her children. If that were me, my Little Perfect Angel Jim-Bob would know I mean business!"
Seriously, those perfect mommies can take a flying leap! I want a day of peace and quiet. A day when Twinsies take their predictable nap at the predictable time. A day when I can take a shower and not feel like everyone is looking at me and wondering why I look like death warmed over. A day when my children eat the food I put in front of them and signal me when they are all done instead of chucking their apples, french toast, tangerines, etc. across the room to be found weeks later behind the television.
There is something like a month and a half left until summer vacation. I'm wondering if we will be able to have a better schedule then. Oooo! Maybe we will be back in our house so that I will indeed have that padded room for their playing pleasure instead of a teensy one bedroom apartment with no privacy and leaking bathtubs and cockroaches (yes, I found one the other day trying to crawl into our apartment).
Hey, a girl can dream!
Sunday, April 12, 2009
Kisses for Boo-Boos
In the tub tonight, I noticed that Gracie has a small owie on her foot from her new shoes.
"Uh oh," I said. "Gracie, you have a boo-boo. Let's give kisses-kisses to the boo-boo."
Before I could lift her foot to give it a kiss, my daughter bent over in half, lifted her foot as far as she could out of the bath water and kissed her foot herself.
She's self-sufficient like that.
Luke decided to help by pointing out other boo-boos Gracie had. The next 10 minutes was dedicated to kissing our own boo-boos.
Yet another sign I am not as needed as I thought I was. Sigh.
"Uh oh," I said. "Gracie, you have a boo-boo. Let's give kisses-kisses to the boo-boo."
Before I could lift her foot to give it a kiss, my daughter bent over in half, lifted her foot as far as she could out of the bath water and kissed her foot herself.
She's self-sufficient like that.
Luke decided to help by pointing out other boo-boos Gracie had. The next 10 minutes was dedicated to kissing our own boo-boos.
Yet another sign I am not as needed as I thought I was. Sigh.
Wednesday, January 21, 2009
Day 16 without Daddy
Over the past 5 days, I've composed about 10 different blog posts. I haven't typed or published any of them because they weren't so much about Gracie and Luke as they were about me and how overwhelmed I feel. If you have any kind of contact with me on a daily basis, you've seen the bags under my eyes, the pale look on my face, my inability to make my hair look like I did not just roll out of bed. The simple fact is that I'm overwhelmed and I desperately want Daddy home.
Nothing works without him. Not play time. Not dinner time. Not bath time. Not bed time. None of it. The first week or so, we did okay, but now that we have been without him for the 16 days he has been in the hospital, we're falling apart.
I'm not sure if it is the amazing number of teeth that are currently popping through Gracie and Lukie's gums, or if we are hitting the 18 month growth spurt a month and a half early, but it has been impossible to get them to eat well and bed time has been a nightmare. Some day, I will look back at this and be able to understand it more. I'll have the wisdom that comes from being a mom for many years. But right now, living through it, I am at a loss.
Dinner time has been so frustrating. Nothing I put in front of them has been working. They are existing on Teddy Grahams, string cheese, and the occasional orange or apple. Tonight I thought I had it nailed! I made mini penne pasta with just a touch of sauce. They love Grandma's sopita, so they had to like this! Apparently not. Within 5 minutes, Lukie had upended his and thrown his plate. He smeared the sauce all over his tray and threw pasta onto the carpet. I almost started to cry, but then I remembered this darn Project 365 thing and I took some pictures.
Twice this week, Lukie has been like a child possessed at night time. He was up until 10 pm on Monday night and 9:30 pm last night. I called Nana crying on Monday night. I couldn't take it any more. She talked with me gently and got me to calm down, but it did not take away the sense of failure I was feeling. She tried to suggest to me that I put Lukie in the car and drive around to get him to fall asleep. I said no. I did not want him to get in the habit of falling asleep in the car, plus, Gracie was already asleep.
Tonight, when he started bouncing around the bed and fell on Gracie, I had had enough. Forget the Healthy Sleep Habits guy and the No Cry Sleep Solution lady! Their suggestions have not been working. I put Gracie and Lukie into the stroller, put socks on their feet, their jackets on them with the hoods up. I rolled them out to the car at 6:12 pm. They were tired and so was I.
It took me longer to get them in the car than it did for them to fall asleep. Gracie was out before I pulled onto the street. Lukie held on longer, lasting 2 miles and 2 songs from the More Songs from Pooh Corner CD before he fell asleep, his binky fallen onto his lap. I drove for several miles, decided I needed a Mama Beer (a.k.a. any coffee drink from Starbucks) and stopped. They stayed asleep the entire time.
In all, I think I drove for 30 minutes just to make sure they were out. I managed to get them back into the apartment and into bed without waking up. In fact, I started writing this post at 7:05 pm.
The fact that I figured out how to get them to sleep is really not the point. Although, it is nice to have a moment to sit down. What I really want is Daddy to be home. Not so that he can take some of the load that is caring for the Twinsies, but because we are a team and a darn good one at that! I miss seeing him every day and watching the joy on Gracie and Lukie's faces when they play with him. I miss our seamless transitions at bed time and our conversations when the Twinsies are asleep. I just miss him. We've been together almost 20 years and any time we are apart is sad to me.
So, Daddy, I know you don't have Internet at that darn hospital, but I'm sending this thought out into the night with the hopes that you'll hear it some way or maybe even dream it:
We love you. Please get better and come home soon. We miss you more than you'll ever know.
Saturday, January 3, 2009
Post #782 about sleep and our lack there of
I've been up for a couple of hours now, but that doesn't mean I was actually sleeping.
I'm exhausted. I'm exhausted in my body and in my soul.
For some time now, naps at home have been nonexistent. They exist only in the car. If we don't keep moving, the naps cease. That doesn't mean Gracie and Luke don't need them. They do need naps. They are just too busy to settle down.
I'll admit that several times over this Winter Break, I have packed Gracie and Luke into the car, turned on their Barney CD and let the purple dino and friends sing G and L into a nap. I have a "Nap Route." I drive out the 118 through Simi Valley and down through Thousand Oaks and Moorpark to the 101 Freeway back to the 405 and North. It's a good route and it gives Gracie and Luke 55 minutes of sleep time if I keep to the speed limit. Can you believe I get that desperate for quiet time?
In addition, night time has been difficult. We've apparently entered the realm of monsters and scary things in the night. I don't know if this is because of some of the movies and shows that Grandma and Grandpa have been showing to Gracie and Luke, but all of a sudden, they know words like "ghost" and "scary monster" that we haven't used around here. Lukie threw his arms around me the other night and said, "Momma, there's a monster!" when I tried to put him in his bed. If either of them wakes up in the night, the crying starts immediately and the sounds of "Mommy! Moooommmmmmieeeeeeeeeee!" can be heard.
Why does sleep have to be so darn hard? When you are on your own it seems even worse. My anxiety about sleep is getting worse. I can't sleep because I am listening for them and they can't sleep because they are 16 months old. I'm at a loss. They are sleeping in our comfy bed in the bedroom and I am sleeping on a daybed in the living room. It is like my brain never has time to rest because it doesn't have a place to do it.
One thing I do know: Whoever introduced them to ghosts and scary monsters is going down.
I'm exhausted. I'm exhausted in my body and in my soul.
For some time now, naps at home have been nonexistent. They exist only in the car. If we don't keep moving, the naps cease. That doesn't mean Gracie and Luke don't need them. They do need naps. They are just too busy to settle down.
I'll admit that several times over this Winter Break, I have packed Gracie and Luke into the car, turned on their Barney CD and let the purple dino and friends sing G and L into a nap. I have a "Nap Route." I drive out the 118 through Simi Valley and down through Thousand Oaks and Moorpark to the 101 Freeway back to the 405 and North. It's a good route and it gives Gracie and Luke 55 minutes of sleep time if I keep to the speed limit. Can you believe I get that desperate for quiet time?
In addition, night time has been difficult. We've apparently entered the realm of monsters and scary things in the night. I don't know if this is because of some of the movies and shows that Grandma and Grandpa have been showing to Gracie and Luke, but all of a sudden, they know words like "ghost" and "scary monster" that we haven't used around here. Lukie threw his arms around me the other night and said, "Momma, there's a monster!" when I tried to put him in his bed. If either of them wakes up in the night, the crying starts immediately and the sounds of "Mommy! Moooommmmmmieeeeeeeeeee!" can be heard.
Why does sleep have to be so darn hard? When you are on your own it seems even worse. My anxiety about sleep is getting worse. I can't sleep because I am listening for them and they can't sleep because they are 16 months old. I'm at a loss. They are sleeping in our comfy bed in the bedroom and I am sleeping on a daybed in the living room. It is like my brain never has time to rest because it doesn't have a place to do it.
One thing I do know: Whoever introduced them to ghosts and scary monsters is going down.
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