I've been up for a couple of hours now, but that doesn't mean I was actually sleeping.
I'm exhausted. I'm exhausted in my body and in my soul.
For some time now, naps at home have been nonexistent. They exist only in the car. If we don't keep moving, the naps cease. That doesn't mean Gracie and Luke don't need them. They do need naps. They are just too busy to settle down.
I'll admit that several times over this Winter Break, I have packed Gracie and Luke into the car, turned on their Barney CD and let the purple dino and friends sing G and L into a nap. I have a "Nap Route." I drive out the 118 through Simi Valley and down through Thousand Oaks and Moorpark to the 101 Freeway back to the 405 and North. It's a good route and it gives Gracie and Luke 55 minutes of sleep time if I keep to the speed limit. Can you believe I get that desperate for quiet time?
In addition, night time has been difficult. We've apparently entered the realm of monsters and scary things in the night. I don't know if this is because of some of the movies and shows that Grandma and Grandpa have been showing to Gracie and Luke, but all of a sudden, they know words like "ghost" and "scary monster" that we haven't used around here. Lukie threw his arms around me the other night and said, "Momma, there's a monster!" when I tried to put him in his bed. If either of them wakes up in the night, the crying starts immediately and the sounds of "Mommy! Moooommmmmmieeeeeeeeeee!" can be heard.
Why does sleep have to be so darn hard? When you are on your own it seems even worse. My anxiety about sleep is getting worse. I can't sleep because I am listening for them and they can't sleep because they are 16 months old. I'm at a loss. They are sleeping in our comfy bed in the bedroom and I am sleeping on a daybed in the living room. It is like my brain never has time to rest because it doesn't have a place to do it.
One thing I do know: Whoever introduced them to ghosts and scary monsters is going down.