Getting my children out the door is like herding cats. First, all they care about is food. See? Cats. I hear the word "cracker" within the first 5 minutes after they wake up. It's like clockwork.
"Good morning, my Lukiloo! How are you this morning?"
kiss. kiss. snuggle. snuggle. kiss.
"Cracka? Cracka? Cracka? Cracka?" This continues until I get up and get the requested cracker.
"Good morning, my Gracie-Lu-Who! How are you this morning?"
kiss. snuggle. kiss. kiss.
"Agua? Agua? Agua? Agua?" This continues until I get up and get the requested water.
We'll watch Barney for as long as they can while I get dressed. It is then that the herding begins.
"Okay! Diaper time. Lukie, let's change your diaper! Do you have potty? Let Mommy change your diaper. Come here! Lukie, come on. Diaper!"
I usually end up going over and picking him up. Raggs the Dog usually keeps him occupied long enough for me to get the diaper changed. Then, the process is repeated with Gracie. If there is poop in her diaper, Oh, Good Gravy! I have to chase her around the house.
"No, no, no, no! No poo poo! No poo poo!" she says as she runs from me.
Diapers changed, we move on to the next task.
"Okay! Everyone get your shoes! Get your shoes. Gracie, where are your shoes? Lukie! Shoes." This one sided conversation continues until I go across the room, sit down on the floor next to the shoe basket and choose their shoes for them. The kicker? They love to put shoes on and will do it for a half an hour while playing. But when I want them to put on the shoes, they won't!
Next, we need to make it to the stroller. The stroller is the safest way to corral wandering
"Okay, let's get in the stroller."
"Cracka?" says one twin.
"Agua?" says the other twin.
"Papa?" says the first twin.
"If you want to see Papa, let's get in the stroller! Oooh! And Tio Martin and Grandma. Stroller? Stroller, where are you?!"
It starts again.
"Come on, let's go!" I say in a cheerful voice.
"Beeeen? Beeeeen?" A twin falls on the floor. "Beeeeeeeeeeeeen!" the twin wails.
"Where's your binky, Lucas?"
"Beeeeee? Beeeee?" cries the other twin.
"Gracie, where's your binky?"
After 5 minutes of looking and crying, I go to the Binky Drawer. Crisis averted, twins are settled in their seats (with seatbelts...and binkies).
"Okay! Here we go!" And off we go, Twinsies leaning out the side of the stroller trying to reach walls or rip leaves off of plants.
Occasionally, we have to stop for a thrown binky or a dropped shoe, which is amazing because it is 47 steps to our car. I know. I counted. How can they manage to reak so much havoc in such a short distance?
On the days when I bravely choose to leave the stroller in the car, Lukie gets held and Gracie holds my hand (and has to be reminded to keep holding it).
Once we get to the car, I have exactly 2 minutes to get everyone strapped in and get the car turned on so Barney can sing. If not, the crying commences.
"Oh! Truck!" says Gracie, hearing the trash truck coming down the alley.
"Yes, truck," I reply distractedly, trying to strap her in.
"Ooo! Ooo!" exclaims Lukie, trying to turn around in the stroller so that he can catch a glimpse.
"Agua?" says Gracie.
"You can have some water at Grandma's house, Gracie."
"Aaaaagua?" she begins to wail.
"At Grandma's house," I sing.
"At Grandma's." I close her door and reach for Lucas.
"Ooo! Uh. Uh."
"What are you looking at Lukie?"
"Use your words."
"Uh." I look up and see a plane.
"Oh, an airplane. Hi, airplane!" I buckle him in and dodge the books Gracie is now throwing at me.
"Let's go!" I say and climb in. Barney turns on and off we go.
This process is repeated when we arrive at Grandma's house. Only occasionally do I have to chase one of them down the street as they go looking for the lion statues or the dogs.
Cats. It's like herding cats.